Joke thread

TangerineSteve17 said:
Nigel Mansell was an out and out racist. He was always trying to overtake the car in front on the outside.

My mate is an Olympic long jumper. He really throws himself into his work.

It only took me 3 weeks to get my degree in sugar-making. I granulated early.
Click to expand...


Quality haha
 
Someone left a carrier bag outside my front door so I opened it up.

You learn something new every day - I never knew Sainsbury's sold dog shit!
 
I was having a chat with Vincent Kompany. Couldn't understand a word he was saying and as he spoke he was gobbing all over me. I think might be because he's phlegmish.

I'd forgot how good sherbert sweets taste until I did a refresher course.

I'm making lots of dough running my own bakery. In profit I roll.
 
I thought it was a seaside tragedy, when I saw the headline, ''Young lad tossed off cliff.''
Just goes to show,you never know what dangers are lurking in the Shadows.
 
My wife came home from the shops today and I said to her, "Your mother turned up while you were out."

"Well I hope you've made her feel at home." she said.

"Of course I have," I replied, "I stuck her straight in the car and drove her back to her fucking house."
 
I head my neighbour shagging for what seems like ages last night moaning groaning headboard banging the works.turns out it was her elderly mother had fallen and was banging on the wall with her walking stick.i feel a bit guilty about knocking out that wank now
 
The best joke at Edinburgh fringe was -

"I decided to sell my Hoover... well it was just collecting dust."

our very own TangerineSteve can do better than that!!
 
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