Joke thread

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

What is the difference between Fanny Craddock and a cross country runner?

One goes for a pant in the country and the other is a c**t in the pantry.

 

[Blue Mist]

What is the difference between Fanny Craddock and a cross country runner?

One goes for a pant in the country and the other is a c**t in the pantry.

MES, you may have to explain who Fanny Craddock is to 75% of posters on here.

On the same subject, did her husband really say on national tv, "I hope all your donuts turn out like Fannys"

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Whilst I was out driving, I spotted an old woman, she had to be pushing ninety, all greyed up hair and a wrinkly face...I thought she'll fucking kill someone driving at that speed.

When I last holidayed in the Outback Australia, I was unfortunate enough to get choked by a snake!...Entirely my fault mind, I should've taken a smaller bite.

I began pissing my sides when my dentist tripped and fell, dropping his canister of Nitrous Oxide. He said "Hey! This is no laughing matter."

I confronted the wife.
I said "Oi! YOU. I'm completely sick of your fictions and fibs. Does everything that comes out of your stupid ugly face have to be a Lie!?"
She paused, jaw gaping, then said "I'm utterly speechless!"

My favourite naming game is called "Dr Whos List" it's out of This World.

 

[honkytonkman187]

If a bra is an "upper-topper-flopper-stopper" and a pair of undies are "lower-decker-pecker-checkers" - what do you call a Japanese boxer's father who suffers from diarrhoea?



a "slap-happy-jappy-with-a-crap-happy-pappy"

 

[Allnightlong]

Have you seen the new corduroy pillow?

It's a headliner

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.

As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.

I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.

I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.

I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.

 

[DelToro]

Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.

As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.

I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.

I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.

I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.

Tell me...

Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?

If not It might be a long day.

 

[Bill Walker]

Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.

As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.

I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.

I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.

I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.

Tell me...

Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?

If not It might be a long day.

ever thought of going on stage Steve ?

sweeping it

 

[DelToro]

Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.

As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.

I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.

I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.

I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.

Tell me...

Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?

If not It might be a long day.

ever thought of going on stage Steve ?

sweeping it

nimrod meet steve, steve meet nimrod.

You two have a lot in common.

 

[Bill Walker]

Tell me...

Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?

If not It might be a long day.

ever thought of going on stage Steve ?

sweeping it

nimrod meet steve, steve meet nimrod.

You two have a lot in common.

[bigimg]https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/s526x395/10689901_10152776663910909_1029640513123941549_n.jpg?oh=1426008534b8846ff0dc3187523deba9&oe=54D0C49F&__gda__=1422524553_c1f811b6b72500a110f50718c8e5ed8a[/bigimg]