Joke thread

i found my nan dead in her bed last night ,i was gutted ,i put my arms around her and held her as a tear rolled down my cheek i noticed that she was naked .i ended fucking her ,just as i was about to cum up her arse she shouted BOO!i mean what sort of sick fucker pretends to be dead !
 
Ive got a new addiction..drinking brake fluid.. fkin trippy man
my girlfriends not too pleased but i told her i can stop anytime.
 
Went to dr yesterday he told me i need a pacemaker,now got little kenyan running 2 yards in front of me
 
I've started seeing this gorgeous girl and she's a Muslim, she gave me a wank last night but boy was she rough.....I've nicknamed her the terror wrist!
 
Newsflash: Two indian brothers killed when they fell through a frozen pond in Birmingham. ITV are to make a documentary about a third brother who survived the ordeal. Dan Singh on Ice will be screened 9pm Sunday
 
I was in the pub the other day when I saw Fred sat at one of the tables with an Emu and a Cat..... odd, I know. I didn't go over. I just watched them. Fred got a round of drinks in, brought them to the table, and the three of them drank up. Then the Emu got up, and got the next round in. They drank up. Then Fred got up again for the next round. Then the Emu again. Noticing that the Cat wasn't buying any rounds, I finally decided to go over to Fred, who was at the bar getting another round in.

"Fred," I said. "What's errr... what's going on, here?"

"Oh, it's a long story," he said. "But to cut it short; I found a magic lamp this morning, so I rubbed it and a genie popped out, declaring that I could have one wish."

"What did you wish for?" I asked.

"A bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

BA-DUM-TSSS!
 
The judge in the Harry Rednapp trial has repeatedly warned him to stop nodding and winking at the jury
 
not read all 30 pages, so apologies if its been posted:

"A woman walked into a bar and asked for an innuendo, so the bartender gave her one"
 
xenon_ said:
gaudinho's stolen car said:
xenon_ said:
Necrophiliacs, pedophiles, disabled people... Can't believe someone had the audacity to call just ONE joke out on here as low.

Here's a racist one:

Englishman, Welshman and a Pakistani.

All have just become fathers, and they're sat in the maternity ward of the local hospital. Doctor comes out and tells them that they've somehow mixed up the babies and don't know whose is whose. The three men decide to sort it out for themselves.

Englishman goes in first to choose and comes out of the room with what clearly is the Pakistani baby. The Pakistani man says this,to which the Englishman responds,

"I'm sorry but one of those babies in there is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances!"
Click to expand...

Considering you have only been on here for 3 weeks you seem like a bit of a busy ****. Or did you have a different user name before?
Click to expand...

: ) We clash yet again. No actually. I first discovered the site this season and I've been using it for streams. Then I started reading Bluemoonforum. Then I joined and discovered Off-topic.

But I guess you won't believe me, seeing as... well... I'm posting yet again to talk to you. What's the matter, mate?
Click to expand...

I can't remember falling out with you before under this user name, it's not a vendetta or anything. It's just that if I was new to a forum and someone told a joke like that I would be pretty shocked, no matter what the context. And yet you boldly stepped forward to defend the poster and to say that there are many other posts equally as offensive. That strikes me as a busy ****. Hope that clears it up.
 
gaudinho's stolen car said:
xenon_ said:
gaudinho's stolen car said:
Considering you have only been on here for 3 weeks you seem like a bit of a busy ****. Or did you have a different user name before?
Click to expand...

: ) We clash yet again. No actually. I first discovered the site this season and I've been using it for streams. Then I started reading Bluemoonforum. Then I joined and discovered Off-topic.

But I guess you won't believe me, seeing as... well... I'm posting yet again to talk to you. What's the matter, mate?
Click to expand...

I can't remember falling out with you before under this user name, it's not a vendetta or anything. It's just that if I was new to a forum and someone told a joke like that I would be pretty shocked, no matter what the context. And yet you boldly stepped forward to defend the poster and to say that there are many other posts equally as offensive. That strikes me as a busy ****. Hope that clears it up.
Click to expand...

Well it's just that I've been on here all day, today, and this is the third thread where you've posted right after me, making a comment about what I've posted. Never mind.

I see your point. I stopped being shocked about football fans jokes a long time ago. And after reading this thread, well I can safely say that I'm desensitized to just about anything some of the people post on here. I wasn't defending the poster, rather making a point about the absurdity of the person who posted "that's low." I mean, come on, have you read this thread!

But yeah, thanks for clearing that up, I honestly thought I'd made an enemy, for a second, there. I guess I am a busy ****, hahaha. ( I don't even know what means, properly, I thought you meant I have a lot of posts for someone who's been on here for three weeks.)
 
While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I suddenly heard a loud thud, running in I found her passed out on the floor.
I began to panic as I had no idea what to do...then I remembered Wetherspoons do an all day breakfast fot £3.99
 
The wife said to me yesterday " I bet you can't go one day without cracking a joke about my periods"I said, " You're on. "<br /><br />-- Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:11 pm --<br /><br />wtf has happened to my joke thread. come on lads keep it clean and no low punches..
 
Just been watching African nations cup football, Ethiopian fans been singing 'who ate all the flies'
 
Being a painter and decorator is hard at the minute, All this political correctness is getting beyond a joke,

I cant even say “black paint” anymore

Now I have to say,

“ please paint that wall Leroy”
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top