Joke thread

[Big Swifty]

"I don't want my kid brother coming out of there with just his dick in his hand"

 

[francisbaud]

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry" said the Doc. "Those are just contractions."

 

[Blue_eyes]

"I don't want my kid brother coming out of there with just his dick in his hand"

You are Sonny Corleone,and I claim my offer I cant refuse.

 

[Zuriblue]

 

[ray21]

2 flies on a piece of poo one fly says to the other fly I’ve not seen you for ages,the other fly replies I know I’ve been on the sick.

 

[Big Swifty]

You are Sonny Corleone,and I claim my offer I cant refuse.

Some day - and that day may never come - I may ask you to do me a service.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

BREAKING: Cadbury's have just delivered a giant chocolate bar to The Bank of England... It's a massive Boost for the economy!

 

[Sid C]

BREAKING: Cadbury's have just delivered a giant chocolate bar to The Bank of England... It's a massive Boost for the economy!

Not having that, just another Chinese Wispa.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Not having that, just another Chinese Wispa.

They’ll just Fudge the figures

 

[Sid C]

They’ll just Fudge the figures

Precisely, trying to Twirl us.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Precisely, trying to Twirl us.

I think we’ll just Spira l into debt

 

[Sid C]

I think we’ll just Spira l into debt

Don’t want to go off Topic but I quite like moist Snickers.

 

[JRockBlues]

BREAKING: Cadbury's have just delivered a giant chocolate bar to The Bank of England... It's a massive Boost for the economy!

Probably delivered from the top deck of a Double Decker bus.

 

[Wanderingwolf]

Opened a Mars bar once, discovered that Martians love gin

 

[mikemcfc]

BREAKING: Cadbury's have just delivered a giant chocolate bar to The Bank of England... It's a massive Boost for the economy!

that would take a Wunderbar.

 

[KS55]

It's more money for the national Kitty Kat.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

"You can tell a lot about a person by the beer they drink," I said to a bloke at the bar. "Really?" he replied. "So what can you tell about me?" "You're a ****," I said. "What makes you say that?" he asked. I said, "That's my beer you're drinking!"

 

[dronefromsector7G]

A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop earlier today... Doctors have said that he should be ok but he's not out of the woods yet!

 

[Bill Walker]

Been dating a homeless woman, but think she's getting serious now she's just asked me to move out with her.

 

[Bill Walker]

A snail goes into a bar and orders a drink, barman says we dont serve snails in here and flicks it out of the bar.
A year later the snail returns and says what did you do that for?