Joke thread

[LWashington]

I was in town and this scruffy looking guy starting busking with his guitar.
He sang "When I was young, It seemed that life was so wonderful,A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical."
I said "Supertramp."
He said "Oh thank you very much."

- - - - - - =

Bloody foreigner, coming over here, wanting to know what love is .

- - - - - - -

I told my sister that my wife was leaving me because she was fed up with my obsession with violent computer games.
She said "oh, what did you two want to go and Fallout 4"

 

[dickie davies]

My wife said she wanted to gt rid of her love handles

I told her she'd look weird with no ears

 

[kippax4ever]

The pope is handing out miracles to sick children in Liverpool. Little Johnny walks on stage and asks "Can you help with my hearing?"

The pope says "Yes" & puts his hands on Johnny's ears, then prays, removes his hands and says "How is your hearing now"

Johnny says "I don't know, its not 'til next wednesday"

Excellent mate..

 

[lefty goldblatt]

While we're on a Liverpudlian theme.....

It's my Scouse nephew's birthday today, so I've put a tenner in his nan's purse.

 

[davek1808]

While we're on a Liverpudlian theme.....

It's my Scouse nephew's birthday today, so I've put a tenner in his nan's purse.

Pmsl.

 

[Magicpole]

While we're on a Liverpudlian theme.....

It's my Scouse nephew's birthday today, so I've put a tenner in
his nan's purse.

Tips hat and wishes he had thought of that. Class :)

 

[KS55]

Whats the favourite curry in Liverpool?

Chicken tikka Mo Salah.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

I went to a sperm bank, yesterday.
The nurse said "Would you like to masturbate in the cup"
I replied "I'm good, but I don't think I'm at competition level"

 

[KS55]

I went to a sperm bank, yesterday.
The nurse said "Would you like to masturbate in the cup"
I replied "I'm good, but I don't think I'm at competition level"

Speak for yourself, duckie.

 

[chris63]

Today, I walked into a restaurant.



“Hi, is my table ready?”



“No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?”



“No, that’s okay.”



“Great, take these plates to table six then.”