Joke thread

I have been appointed to an important post with the city of Amsterdam.
They have put me in charge of all the dykes. Just my luck.
 
A Mancunian and a Scouser go into Greggs the bakers.

The Scouser with the most nimble of movements nicks 3 pies, he sticks them into his left pocket and then boasts to the Mancunian, "Did you see that? The staff never even saw me."

The Mancunian says, "That's fuck all mate, watch this."
So the Mancunian goes back into the shop and says to the manager, "Give me a pie and I'll show you some magic." He then eats the pie in front of him, and then asks for two more.

The manager not looking too impressed yet asks, "wheres the magic in that?"

Mancunian replies, "Go and check that Scousers left pocket."
 
dickie davies said:
The original joke was a blonde woman emerging from the sea in a wetsuit

She pulls down the zip, shows cleavage and rummages inside the suit and gives the bloke a fag
Then rummages again, revealing more cleavage and pulls out a small bottle of whisky

Then she says, whilst pulling the zip down further "it must be five years since you've played around!"

He replies "fucking hell, you got a set of golf clubs in there"
Click to expand...
It was a chip-pan when I first heard it.
 
dickie davies said:
The original joke was a blonde woman emerging from the sea in a wetsuit

She pulls down the zip, shows cleavage and rummages inside the suit and gives the bloke a fag
Then rummages again, revealing more cleavage and pulls out a small bottle of whisky

Then she says, whilst pulling the zip down further "it must be five years since you've played around!"

He replies "fucking hell, you got a set of golf clubs in there"
Click to expand...
Ronnie Corbett likes this post
 
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