Joke thread

[dick slexia]

Fair play to Wayne Rooney going to visit Sir Alex Ferguson in hospital, " his speech is improving and he can almost string a sentence together" said Fergie

 

[jimharri]

Apparently, Meghan's father won't be attending the piss up wedding on saturday. Well; at least that's something she'll have in common with her future husband.

 

[Trautmann's Chiropractor]

A doctor in his office is about to sign some paperwork. He reaches down into his pocket to find a pen but to his confusion a rectal thermometer comes out.

“Ah fuck!” he yells.

“Some arsehole stole my pen!”

 

[taleofbluehalves]

My dog swallowed the TV remote control. So now I have to pat his stomach to get BBC, rub his neck to get ITV, stroke his back to get Channel 4... and I’ve decided to give up watching Channel 5.

 

[taleofbluehalves]

A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.

The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”

The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”

And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”

The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”

They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he's done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.

The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”

The donkey replies “Oh, that’s me when I played for Juventus..”

 

[Barcon]

A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.

The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”

The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”

And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”

The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”

They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he's done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.

The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”

The donkey replies “Oh, that’s me when I played for Juventus..”

You've just read page 101 haven't you? ;)

 

[taleofbluehalves]

You've just read page 101 haven't you? ;)

Ahh it’s hard to be original!

 

[Zuriblue]

 

[doots]

Going to a deodorant party Saturday.

Roll on the weekend.

 

[cheshirecheese]

Going to a deodorant party Saturday.

Roll on the weekend.

Yeah, sure!