Joke thread

[dronefromsector7G]

BREAKING: Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control, but cases continue to rise!

 

[Big Swifty]

It's a little-known fact that in Barbados, Meat and potato pies cost $3.50, steak pies cost $4.00, and chicken pies cost $4.50.

I got this information from "Pie-Rates of the Caribbean"......

 

[lefty goldblatt]

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Fella with two wooden legs, his house caught fire

The fire brigade saved his house but he was burnt to the ground.
















And the insurance wouldn't pay up, they said he hadn't a leg to stand on.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

Bob

 

[Barcon]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

Fucked

 

[J.G.Blue.]

I had a pet newt once,
I called it tiny because it was my newt.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Do female pilots sit in a cuntpit?

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Jewish Kamikaze pilot.....crashed his plane in his brother's scrapyard.





Fella with no arms and no legs swimming the channel......caught cramp in his ears.


Bernard Manning 1978.

 

[xgorton]

Prostitute asked Scouser would he like a blow job,would it effect my dole money he said.

 

[Bill Walker]

A 3 foot clairvoyant escaped from prison today !

Police are looking for a small medium at large.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who swims the Channel?

Clever Dick.

 

[Big Swifty]

What do you call a Chinese woman using a food mixer?

Brenda

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I got pissed last night and ended up shagging my best friend. I can't bring myself to talk to him… I don't even wanna play fetch anymore!

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

Bob

Man with no legs waiting at the bus stop. Conductor says "How you getting on then?"

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Lunatic escapes from the asylum goes to a launderette rapes 3 women and runs away. The newspaper headline was " Nut screws washers and bolts"

 

[East Level 2]

Man with no legs waiting at the bus stop. Conductor says "How you getting on then?"

Man with no arms or legs outside a brothel. The madam says "You won't be much use in here" and the man relies "Well I rang the bell didn't I."

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Man with no arms or legs outside a brothel. The madam says "You won't be much use in here" and the man relies "Well I rang the bell didn't I."

And she replied,
''You cheeky low down bum.''

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

And she replied,
''You cheeky low down bum.''

Was he told to stop arseing about?

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]