Joke thread

If we’re talking comic jokes...

This guy had lost an eye, as he was allergic to glass he had a replacement made of pine.

After a long recovery he decided he should get out and meet new people, so he went to a disco at the hospital.

As the night progressed, he saw a pretty young girl with a prosthetic leg and thought he would ask her to dance.

He wandered over and shyly asked if she’d like the next dance with him, to which she replied “oh wouldn’t I!”

To which he shouted “if that’s your attitude, you can fuck off peg-leg!”

I thank you...
 
asylum seekers ,there was one near my house yesterday eating grass by the side of the road

i said to him don't eat that shit come to my house,he said he had a wife and 4 kids could they come,i had to tell him to fuck off as its only a small lawn
 
A young lady teacher takes her class of infant schoolboys to a day at the races.
A few of the boys say they need to go to the toilet, but there isn't a man around, so she nips into
the gents, with the boys and starts lifting each one up to the urinals.
On lifting the third one up she looks down, is visibly shocked and says,
'My my, your a big boy, have you just joined the class?'
'No love, my name's Frankie and I'm riding Blue Thunder in the 2.30.'
 
“But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?”

“Sedimentary, my dear Watson. Sedimentary”


Well; it's change from the old "yellow door" version, innit?
Watson doing crossword; Holmes, what's a Mediterranean citrus-bearing tree?
Holmes; A lemon tree my dear Watson
 
35737169_10156591064155513_2447099059035439104_n.jpg
 

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