Joke thread

[Blue Mist]

That joke isn't funny anymore...

FFS don't bring the Smiths into this thread.

 

[blue44]

Me and the mrs not been getting on too good lately ,anyway

i came home from work last night,she'd left a note on the fridge saying " its not working,I'm going to my mums "

I opened the fridge,the light was on and the beer was ice cold,I'm not sure what she was talking about

 

[blue44]

everyday,we have hundreds of people coming into this country,with no skills,no grasp of the language and a total drain on resources etc

babies are fuckin useless

 

[jimharri]

The missus is absolutely raging with the blinds I've put up in the living room.

Looks like it might be curtains for us.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I made my girlfriend's dream come true when I arranged for us to be married in a castle... You wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we bounced around!

 

[nellyonthewing]

Two hours into my first day as a Walmart Greeter in came a big fat ugly woman with 2 kids . Hearing her swearing at them I said " Welcome to Walmart,nice kids,are they twins"?
"Hell no they ain't twins" she said ,"the oldest is 9 and the youngest is 7 . Are you plain stupid or just dumb to think they was twins".
"I'm not blind or stupid Maam " I replied "I just can't believe anyone would sleep with you twice.".."Have a nice day and thanks for shopping at Walmart".
HR say I may not be cut out for this job..

 

[sir baconface]

The missus is absolutely raging with the blinds I've put up in the living room.

Looks like it might be curtains for us.

You should have gone on trend and bought colonial shutters.

 

[jimharri]

You should have gone on trend and bought colonial shutters.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

My wife said she is leaving me because of my obsession with football, it's a shame as we've been together for over 10 seasons

 

[Onholiday(somemightsay)]

Funnily enough - I was thinking of them doing 'handbags' for something that was posted before :-)

Great minds........