Joke thread

[dickie davies]

Man walks into a pub carrying a large yellow fruit
Bloke at the bar says "why are you carrying a grapefruit?"
This isn't a grapefruit. This is a four flavoured fruit
A four flavoured fruit. What a load of rubbish
Here you go, try it

So the bloke at the bar takes a bite and says "Orange"
Yes, now turn it round
So he does , takes another bite and says "Banana!"
Yes, now turn it round
He does so again, takes a bite and says "strawberry"
Yes, now turn it round again
He does, takes another bite and says "Pineapple!!"

There you go, a four flavoured fruit. I can grow this in any flavour
Really! I bet you £100 you can't grow one that tastes like a woman's fanny?
Of course I can, bet accepted but you have to give me a few months

So every week when the grower goes to the pub, the bloke asks him "how's that fruit doing" and every time he gets the same answer "just a little more time needed" until one week the grower walks in, throws a fruit at the bloke and says, "there you go, where's my £100?"
"I need to try it first." so he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. He wipes his mouth and says "fucking hell, that tastes like shit"
The grower replies, "turn it round"

 

[aguero93:20]

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

This was the winner of the Funniest Edinburgh joke 2019.

It's been a shite year alright.

 

[sir baconface]

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

This was the winner of the Funniest Edinburgh joke 2019.

Fcukinell. I’ve seen funnier jokes on here.

 

[manchester blue]

Fcukinell. I’ve seen funnier jokes on here.

@jimharri should enter next year...

 

[mat]

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."

 

[mat]

I've just bought a new mouse mat.

That should stop the little fuckers leaving footprints all over the kitchen!

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

I've heard grocer jokes than that.

All the good jokes stem from Edinburgh...

 

[kippax4ever]

Man walks into a pub carrying a large yellow fruit
Bloke at the bar says "why are you carrying a grapefruit?"
This isn't a grapefruit. This is a four flavoured fruit
A four flavoured fruit. What a load of rubbish
Here you go, try it

So the bloke at the bar takes a bite and says "Orange"
Yes, now turn it round
So he does , takes another bite and says "Banana!"
Yes, now turn it round
He does so again, takes a bite and says "strawberry"
Yes, now turn it round again
He does, takes another bite and says "Pineapple!!"

There you go, a four flavoured fruit. I can grow this in any flavour
Really! I bet you £100 you can't grow one that tastes like a woman's fanny?
Of course I can, bet accepted but you have to give me a few months

So every week when the grower goes to the pub, the bloke asks him "how's that fruit doing" and every time he gets the same answer "just a little more time needed" until one week the grower walks in, throws a fruit at the bloke and says, "there you go, where's my £100?"
"I need to try it first." so he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. He wipes his mouth and says "fucking hell, that tastes like shit"
The grower replies, "turn it round"

The YouTube video funny as fk..

 

[BackofJeanette]

Bloke goes in a bookstore and says to the girl serving, " have you got the latest book about impotence?"

She replied " I'm sorry, it's not in at the moment!"

" Yes that's the one!" He said.

I know it's been posted before but the old ones are the best!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Bloke goes to the library and says to the girl working there " can I take out a book on kleptomania?" Girl says " No, you won't bring it back".