dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
It's Jamaican hairstyle day at work tomorrow... I'm already dreading it!
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
asahartford1
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The ex wife is a Scouse, she stole my heart.
ray21
Well-Known Member
You could always Afro a sickie in.It's Jamaican hairstyle day at work tomorrow... I'm already dreading it!
oldhamblue
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Retro joke: what's black and slides up and down Nelson's Column? Winnie Mandela
RadcliffeRick
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Pedant alert!!Wouldn’t “Sorry, it’s already out” have been less of a slap across the head and funnier?
Or just combine the impotence and kleptomania jokes....
“Excuse me, could I check out a book on impotence and one on kleptomania?
Sorry, they’re not in at the moment!”
Two old men sitting in deck chairs at the beach. One says, “Nice out, isn’t it?” Other replies, “Yeah, I think I’m going to leave mine out.”
jimharri
Moderator
An oldie, but a goodie....
A bloke goes into Tesco and tries to buy half a cauliflower. The young assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers.
The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy says to his manager "Some prick out there wants to buy half a cauliflower."
As he finished his sentence, he turns to find the man standing right behind him, so he adds, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approves the deal, and the man goes on his way.
Later the manager says to the boy "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Glasgow sir," the boy replies. "Really? Why did you leave Glasgow?" the manager asks.
"Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there."
"Really?" says the manager. "My wife is from Glasgow!!"
"You're kidding?" Says the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
A bloke goes into Tesco and tries to buy half a cauliflower. The young assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers.
The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy says to his manager "Some prick out there wants to buy half a cauliflower."
As he finished his sentence, he turns to find the man standing right behind him, so he adds, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approves the deal, and the man goes on his way.
Later the manager says to the boy "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Glasgow sir," the boy replies. "Really? Why did you leave Glasgow?" the manager asks.
"Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there."
"Really?" says the manager. "My wife is from Glasgow!!"
"You're kidding?" Says the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
Indaparkside
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Another oldie
Con goes in strangeways, fuck he says its cold in here. Hang on a minute said the screw I'll put another bar on for you
Con goes in strangeways, fuck he says its cold in here. Hang on a minute said the screw I'll put another bar on for you
A man goes into a pub, GET OUT, shouts the landlord, you are banned.Why, asks the man innocently, because you were in here last night trying to con drinks out of all the customers and I banned you, says the landlord. Well, says the man, I have only just arrived in town by train not 30 minutes ago and have never been here before in my life. Oh, well, I,m sorry says the landlord, you must have a double or something, why thats very kind of you says the man, make it a whiskey.
Ancient Citizen
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A follow up to that one is when the bloke says, ''Didn't you used to run that pub on the other side of town,A man goes into a pub, GET OUT, shouts the landlord, you are banned.Why, asks the man innocently, because you were in here last night trying to con drinks out of all the customers and I banned you, says the landlord. Well, says the man, I have only just arrived in town by train not 30 minutes ago and have never been here before in my life. Oh, well, I,m sorry says the landlord, you must have a double or something, why thats very kind of you says the man, make it a whiskey.
er.. what's it called, oh yes, Chavin.
''Chavin?''
''That's very kind, I'll have another double whisky.''