Joke thread

After our divorce. I killed the wife and dumped her body but kept her minge.
My new girlfriend has absolutely no idea when I say I'm going upstairs to have a go on the ex box !
 
Re: Robot for sale....

What actuators are used for the slapping arm? Can it be repositioned for more of an up-down motion. Sorta like a stroking motion with the wrist and hand slightly flexed? If this is possible, let me the how much it costs.
 
BackofJeanette said:
I came home today and shouted "WIFE, PREPARE FOR ANAL DESTRUCTION!!!......


I've just bought toilet roll from the pound shop."


........................


Whats the difference between a Lesbian in a porno film and a Lesbian in real life?...


About 12 stone


..............................


My wife reckons she could fall asleep on a log.


So to test this, I've shit on her side of the bed.


...................................

Old Chinese wise man say, oral sex make your day but anal sex make your hole weak!
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Quality!!!
 
Man City have three stars on their badge to mark how many Champions League games they've won in their history. WA HEY!!!!!!!
 
Markt85 said:
Man City have three stars on their badge to mark how many Champions League games they've won in their history. WA HEY!!!!!!!
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Oh prepare for the dogs of war to be unleashed. The wrath of vengance shall fall upon thee and tho shall be cast out into a sea of vipers.
 
Blue Mist said:
Markt85 said:
Man City have three stars on their badge to mark how many Champions League games they've won in their history. WA HEY!!!!!!!
Click to expand...


Oh prepare for the dogs of war to be unleashed. The wrath of vengance shall fall upon thee and tho shall be cast out into a sea of vipers.
Click to expand...


300.jpg
 
Had to call 999 last night, the operator said "what's the emergency Sir?"

"Two women are fighting over me" I replied

"Exactly how does that constitute an emergency Sir?"

"The fat one's winning" I told her
 
Markt85 said:
Man City have three stars on their badge to mark how many Champions League games they've won in their history. WA HEY!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Urmmm. That's three more than West Ham have achieved, yes?
 
Got this texted to me last sunday afternoonApparently the coin that hit the legend that is Rio Ferdinand at the weekend wasn't a 2p piece. It was a €1 coin, which a City fan was throwing away as it won't be needed again this season.

Ha bloody ha.
 
jimharri said:
Got this texted to me last sunday afternoonApparently the coin that hit the legend that is Rio Ferdinand at the weekend wasn't a 2p piece. It was a €1 coin, which a City fan was throwing away as it won't be needed again this season.

Ha bloody ha.
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Too soon!!!!
 
Woman goes 2 get a tattoo and gets xmas tattooed on her inner right thigh and new year on her inner left thigh. As she leaves the artist ask's why she choose those tattoo's the woman replies "cos i'm fed up of my husband saying there's nothing good 2 eat between xmas and new year".
 
bluestew666 said:
Woman goes 2 get a tattoo and gets xmas tattooed on her inner right thigh and new year on her inner left thigh. As she leaves the artist ask's why she choose those tattoo's the woman replies "cos i'm fed up of my husband saying there's nothing good 2 eat between xmas and new year".
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Wishes Mrs H would do this...........
 
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