Joke thread

[Ragnarok]

"Okay, that'll be 20p," said the cashier as he scanned my Freddo.

"What!?" I shouted. "But it says 10p on the wrapper?"

"Yes, I know it says that on it, but it is actually 20."

"Fine," I said, as I begrudgingly handed him the cash.

"Ummm, excuse me sir," the man slid the coin back across the counter. "You've handed me a ten pence piece."

"Yes, I know it says 10p on it but it is actually 20."<br /><br />-- Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:06 am --<br /><br />My wife just called me.

She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

 

[jimharri]

"Okay, that'll be 20p," said the cashier as he scanned my Freddo.

"What!?" I shouted. "But it says 10p on the wrapper?"

"Yes, I know it says that on it, but it is actually 20."

"Fine," I said, as I begrudgingly handed him the cash.

"Ummm, excuse me sir," the man slid the coin back across the counter. "You've handed me a ten pence piece."

"Yes, I know it says 10p on it but it is actually 20."

Hmm.

My wife just called me.

She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Two weeks ago wants it's joke back

 

[Ragnarok]

My wife called me a sexist pig, and accused me of being far too obsessed with football.

I said, "What makes you say that, babe?"

She said, "Well for one, there's this card you gave me for my birthday."

I said, "But to be fair, you've not kept up with the housework recently, so you were lucky it was only yellow."

 

[paphos-mcfc]

My wife called me a sexist pig, and accused me of being far too obsessed with football.

I said, "What makes you say that, babe?"

She said, "Well for one, there's this card you gave me for my birthday."

I said, "But to be fair, you've not kept up with the housework recently, so you were lucky it was only yellow."

 

[paphos-mcfc]

Liverpool finally bring home a trophy after 6 years, the carling cup, bit like being single for 6 years and bringing home Susan Boyle .!!


My mate's shagging twins, who both like it up the arse.
I asked how do you tell them apart?
He said easy, Sally's got massive tits and Derek's got a moustache..

Are you taking note Ragnarok??

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Paddy and Mick were on a plane to the USA.

One hour after take off over the Atlantic there is an announcement:-

"This is your captain speaking, just to let you know that engine number four has just failed, so we will be one hour late arriving in New York."

Half an hour later, another one:-

"This is your captain speaking, unfortunately engine number three has just failed, so we will now be two hours late arriving"....

Another hour later:-

"This is your captain speaking, we have just been notified that engine number two has now failed, so we will now be three hours late arriving in NY"

Paddy says:- "Blimey! I hope engine number one is OK, we'll be up here all night!!"

 

[mr t]

I was cutting through an alley Manchester's Chinatown when a girl approached me and said "Sucky sucky fucky fucky five dorrar".

I looked at her and said "You're way too young".

"How you know my name?" she replied.

 

[doots]

I was cutting through an alley Manchester's Chinatown when a girl approached me and said "Sucky sucky fucky fucky five dorrar".

I looked at her and said "You're way too young".

"How you know my name?" she replied.

ha ha,i do like that one,however she went from fluent cantonese to haf decent engrish,very sooooon.

 

[tommcfc]

Arguing with a Christian is like playing chess with a pigeon.

You could be the greatest player in the world, but the pigeon will still knock over all the pieces, shit on the board and strut around triumphantly.

 

[ob]

3 brothers always meet up every Friday evening in the local for a few pints and after a few years 2 of them moved away from their home town but the one who remained always still went in ordered 3 pints and drank them whilst toasting his brothers - this went on for a few weeks until one evening he just ordered 2 pints and the bar man knowing of the tradition asked was everything ok with the brothers and bloke replies yea fine but I'm off the drink