Joke thread

[Dicko69]

The mrs finally passed her driving test at the 7th attempt, I asked her what she wanted. She said "something cheap to run around in"




















So I got her some trainers from Lidl

 

[EastStandLower]

I've decided to put my glove puppet collection up for sale, who wants to take them off my hands?

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

Coronavirus came away from the red carpet disappointed as it failed to win any Oscars.

They all went to Ebola la land.

 

[sir baconface]

I've decided to put my glove puppet collection up for sale, who wants to take them off my hands?

£5 offered. No strings attached.

 

[TFC]

There were three sisters, Ann, Janet and Fanny.

While Ann and Janet were on a double date, their dates commented on how big the girls feet were.

Ann said "that's nothing, you should see our Fanny's, they're massive".

 

[EastStandLower]

Last year I raised money for charity by sitting in a bath full of Indian food.
I won’t be doing that again in a curry.

 

[jimharri]

My wife came home to find me in the kitchen cooking a lovely dinner, candlelit table and place settings for two. "Oh this is a surprise," she said.

"Too fucking right it is," I replied, "I didn't expect you back till Monday."

 

[Mid Wales blue]

Tesco says they are to axe 1800 jobs in their bakeries.
I hope the staff will find new rolls to fill...

I hope they rise to the challenge of finding new jobs, and prove themselves in their new rolls, any job will do as long as they can earn a fair crust!

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I hope they rise to the challenge of finding new jobs, and prove themselves in their new rolls, any job will do as long as they can earn a fair crust!

I was just about to post that joke. Now I’ve got a cob on.

 

[EastStandLower]

I was just about to post that joke. Now I’ve got a cob on.

Barmy