Alan Harper's Tash
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 12 Dec 2010
- Messages
- 58,046
corky1970 said:
Obviously you don't have any balls then!! ;-)
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Obviously you don't have any balls then!! ;-)
jimharri
Moderator
Me and the wife were watching porn, I said, ''I reckon I would like that position.''
''I'm sure you would, want to try?'' she said excited.
''Yeah,'' I replied.
So the next day I applied for a plumber's job.
''I'm sure you would, want to try?'' she said excited.
''Yeah,'' I replied.
So the next day I applied for a plumber's job.
Uncle Wally One Ball
Well-Known Member
A pikey gypsie comes home to find his teenage daughter masturbating with a cucumber. He said: "Thats fucking disgusting, Im supposed to eat that later and now its going to taste of cucumber"
BlueSniffer
Well-Known Member
Why blokes don't make good agony aunts...
Dear Ted,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't
believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad
passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been
married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out
that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her
rescue but found her unconscious.
He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began
CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him
and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked
him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted
that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to
him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Pam
_______________________________________ ___________________________
Dear Pam,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel
filter. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto
the inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the
problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Good luck,
Ted
Dear Ted,
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't
believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad
passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been
married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out
that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her
rescue but found her unconscious.
He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began
CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him
and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked
him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted
that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to
him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Pam
_______________________________________ ___________________________
Dear Pam,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel
filter. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto
the inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the
problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Good luck,
Ted
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lad and his bird getting down to business on the beach when she suddenly stops and says "put your bollocks in me"... "what?" says the lad... "put your bollocks in..."
Lad obliges and completes the business. Walking back along the beach, he asks her why she had never asked him to do that before.
She replies; "Because you've never shovelled sand up my arse before"
Lad obliges and completes the business. Walking back along the beach, he asks her why she had never asked him to do that before.
She replies; "Because you've never shovelled sand up my arse before"
unexpected item
Well-Known Member
A bloke walks into a bar and asks the barman to reccomend a good beer.
"The Whitbred Best Bitter is excellent" says the barman. The customer orders it then says he has to use the toilet, so asks the barman to keep an eye on his drink.
When he gets back the barman has bad news.
"She just farted in your beer!" he says.
"Who?"
"That athletic looking woman over there, with the javelin. Seriously, she just came over and farted in it"
Furious, the customer goes over to the athlete.
"
Oi! ''you fart in my Whitbread?!"
"No" she says "I'm Tessa Sanderson actually"
"The Whitbred Best Bitter is excellent" says the barman. The customer orders it then says he has to use the toilet, so asks the barman to keep an eye on his drink.
When he gets back the barman has bad news.
"She just farted in your beer!" he says.
"Who?"
"That athletic looking woman over there, with the javelin. Seriously, she just came over and farted in it"
Furious, the customer goes over to the athlete.
"
Oi! ''you fart in my Whitbread?!"
"No" she says "I'm Tessa Sanderson actually"
Crouchinho
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 17 Feb 2011
- Messages
- 7,271
- Location
- Toronto, bye bye blighty
- Team supported
- Tottenham Hotspur
Two gays and two lezzers going to the airport, who gets their first?
The lezzers, the gays are still getting their shit packed.
The lezzers, the gays are still getting their shit packed.
charliebigspuds
Well-Known Member
Fuck me its been hot in work today, I've been sweating like Neil Lennon's postman!
D
D
dronefromsector7g
Guest
What do you call a hen with lettuce in its eyes?
Chicken caesar salad.
Chicken caesar salad.