joke thread....

[Indaparkside]

Woman places an add in the local newspaper, I want a man who won’t beat me, won’t run away from me and is great in bed. 2 days later her door bell rings and
a man is sat there with no arms and legs, hi I’m Tim said the man I’ve come about your ad in the paper I won’t beat you as I have no arms and I won’t run a way from you as I have no legs, well what makes you think you’ll be a great lover says the lady
Well I rang the doorbell didn’t I said Tim

 

[jimharri]

Great to see Liverpool adhering to Covid protocols by not celebrating their goals since the turn of the year. Top top club.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Someone has collapsed on the luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport... Medics at the scene report they are coming round slowly.

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

In ancient times, a king has a daughter who no man can satisfy sexually.
Many have tried on the promise of vast wealth as a reward, but a beheading if they fail.
A old, wizened bloke steps forward, confident he can claim the prize. Everyone laughs.
He convinces the princess to wear a mask, “It will enhance the pleasure”
Unseen, he pulls an enormous cucumber from his bag and gives the lady a good rogering.
After half-an-hour he stops and asks the princess how’s she’s liking it.
“Great” she said “I love a bit of finger before we start”.

 

[Bluemoon dan]

Someone has collapsed on the luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport... Medics at the scene report they are coming round slowly.

I actually laughed at that and thought I'm going to say it next time I'm stood waiting for my bag. Then I realised that won't be for about 3 years and there's no way I'll remember it!

 

[dickie davies]

 

[Pablo123]

LLWWDLLDLL
Is this
a) A small town in Wales
b) Liverpool’s last 10 results

 

[Indaparkside]

fat Sam getting another job in football

 

[CambridgeExileBlue]

View attachment 9041

Very good advice indeed!

 

[Psychedelic Casual]

2013 wants its joke back

Fucking hell, how good is your memory?!