Joke thread

[2sheikhs]

So Kerry Katona is pregnant.

She was asked "Do you know what sex it will be?"

"Probably just anal for the next 9 months" she replied.

 

[kinkladz-ade]

A fella walks into a bookshop & the assistant comes over.
'Do you like Dickens?' she asks
'Don't know' he says 'never been to one'.

Struggling with this

So am i

 

[CTID1988]

Four blokes in a hotel room, one pulls out a huge bag of sherbert and starts eating it. All the blokes look pretty puzzled and wonder why he is doing it.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

A fella walks into a bookshop & the assistant comes over.
'Do you like Dickens?' she asks
'Don't know' he says 'never been to one'.

Struggling with this

So am i

'Do you like dick-ins,' you know, like love-ins or piss ups.

Thick fucks :)

 

[CTID1988]

Did you hear about the midgets who planned to rob a butchers?
They bottled it in the end as the steaks were too high

 

[BoyBlue_1985]

Four blokes in a hotel room, one pulls out a huge bag of sherbert and starts eating it. All the blokes look pretty puzzled and wonder why he is doing it.

 

[CTID1988]

Four blokes in a hotel room, one pulls out a huge bag of sherbert and starts eating it. All the blokes look pretty puzzled and wonder why he is doing it.

Jokes never really were my forte

 

[BoyBlue_1985]

Four blokes in a hotel room, one pulls out a huge bag of sherbert and starts eating it. All the blokes look pretty puzzled and wonder why he is doing it.

Jokes never really were my forte

 

[kenzie115]

A white horse walks into a pub and the landlord says
''we have a whiskey here named after you''
The horse replies
''Eric?''

I really like this :)

 

[moonshiner]

A guy walks into a bookshop and says "I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare"
The shop assistant asks "which one"
The guy replies "William"

 

[CTID1988]

Why did the baker have brown hands?
He kneaded a poo

 

[bluemc1]

Surrounded by 1000 indians the lone ranger says " i think we are in touble Tonto " Tonto replies "whats all this WE white man ? "

 

[nobody can eat fifty eggs]

Knock knock.......
Who's there?
Doctor......
Doctor who?




I thank you, I'm here all week folks.....




;-)

 

[johnmc]

I've never heard of a dick in.

 

[Ourman]

I've never heard of a dick in.

They make cider.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

William Shakespeare walked into a bar and the landlord shouted at him
''Get out, ya bard!''

 

[BimboBob]

I hate food wastage but I couldn't finish the wookie steak I ordered as it was too chewy.

 

[manchester blue]

A white horse walks into a pub and the landlord says
''we have a whiskey here named after you''
The horse replies
''Eric?''

I really like this :)

So do I. And the Shapkespeare one too. When I shared them though, with thanks to the OP, apparently they were shit!! Just us then.

 

[mr t]

"Just so we are clear, what won't you do on a first date?" I asked her as we looked at the menu.

"Well I won't be sucking your cock for starters!" She laughed.

"Ok,"I replied, "but what about main course or pudding?"

 

[nw42]

As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London,where they change into a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart everheard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
"Mr President, said the Queen, please, accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded: "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."