Joke thread

[roman totale]

It’s getting tiresome and seeing all these puns really brings it ohm.

 

[AliBobbyJ]

It’s getting tiresome and seeing all these puns really brings it ohm.

Revolting.

 

[BELLENDER]

I was stacking washing powder down one of the aisles in my local Asda store where I work,when this girl who I'd met on the internet comes down and see's me.

"You lying bastard" she shouts.

"whats up" i replied.

"you told me you were a stunt pilot when we went on that date." she screams.

"No i didn't i said i was part of an ariel display team."

 

[Sam Armstrong]

My wife's just finished a 12-hour shift.

I knew she'd find second gear eventually!!

 

[Indaparkside]

Little lad goes to his dad hey dad what’s testicles, balls replies his father

Balls to you I’ll ask me fucking mam then.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I was just looking at my ceiling... Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there!

 

[JRockBlues]

My dog just ate my Scrabble set.
His next trip outside could spell disaster.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

My dog just ate my Scrabble set.
His next trip outside could spell disaster.

"Hey, man. What's the word on the street?"

 

[The perfect fumble]

A funny little quiz....

https://antidepressantsortolkien.now.sh/

 

[Indaparkside]

I met a bloke with a didgeridoo
He was playing dancing queen
I thought. That’s Abbariganol

 

[Indaparkside]

My friend said to me What rhymes with orange.
I said no it doesn’t

 

[KS55]

A funny little quiz....

https://antidepressantsortolkien.now.sh/

Got very anxious doing that quiz. Luckily, there was some Gandalf available.

 

[Indaparkside]

Guy goes to the doctors , doctor said what’s up
Guy said doctor I need some medication I’m addicted to Twitter,
Sorry said the doctor I’m not following
You.

 

[BELLENDER]

Just seen my next-door neighbour slumped over his lawn mower crying his eyes out.

I shouted over the fence.. Are you OK, mate ?

Apparently he was fine, he’d just been going through a rough patch..

 

[Sam Armstrong]

Having spent the last 8 weeks faithfully following the Government’s ‘stay at home’ advice and slowly going stir-crazy I’m now seriously thinking of asking my Dad if the childhood offer threatening to “slap me into the middle of next year” is still available!!

 

[Big Swifty]

Just seen my next-door neighbour slumped over his lawn mower crying his eyes out.

I shouted over the fence.. Are you OK, mate ?

Apparently he was fine, he’d just been going through a rough patch..

I saw an AA van driver slumped over the wheel sobbing his heart out. I thought "He's heading for a breakdown"

 

[Zuriblue]

Got very anxious doing that quiz. Luckily, there was some Gandalf available.

Same here. Although I thought the generic name for Viagra was actually Mycoxaflopin.

 

[Bill Walker]

Just been asked to sing a line from Don't Go Breaking My Heart
I said "I Couldn't If I Tried "

 

[dickie davies]

Just been asked to sing a line from Don't Go Breaking My Heart
I said "I Couldn't If I Tried "

You absolute ****!

I've now got to get rid of that fucking shit song out of my head

 

[Bill Walker]

You absolute ****!

I've now got to get rid of that fucking shit song out of my head

Haha