Joke thread

[TFC]

@TFC If you are going to nick a 'joke' from twitter or similar and pretend it is your own, at least have the decency to check half a page back to check that it has not already been posted :-)

I just made it up on the fly yesterday. Gutted to see cunts have already stolen it, but that's comedy for you, there's very few of us true geniuses left ;)

 

[Paulpowersleftfoot]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.


How could anyone stoop so low?

 

[Paulpowersleftfoot]

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

 

[lefty goldblatt]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.


How could anyone stoop so low?

Especially when the dwarf struggles to put food on the table

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My attractive next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line.. I nearly shit her pants!




(apologies for nicking this off Twitter and not checking previous pages)

 

[Zuriblue]

unbelievably the same thing happened to me, but it was a tomato. Now you might think that wouldn't hurt, but this one was still in the tin

I was walking through Zürich the other day and someone hurled a bottle of Cod Liver Oil tablets at me. Luckily I escaped with super fish oil injuries.

 

[Blue Mist]

My attractive next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line.. I nearly shit her pants!



(apologies for nicking this off Twitter and not checking previous pages)

You only need to check half of the previous page, (preferably the bottom half but hey) if it has not been posted in that time there is no problem.

 

[BimboBob]

My attractive next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line.. I nearly shit her pants!




(apologies for nicking this off Twitter and not checking previous pages)

Or my fb page you fucking thief.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Or my fb page you fucking thief.

Your whole timeline is jokes nicked off here you twat

 

[BimboBob]

Your whole timeline is jokes nicked off here you twat

How very dare you.

 

[crazyg]

hehe well done, my old man was a big fan when I was a kid and it's obviously stuck :)

That takes me back to my Broadoak days in Ashton in the early 70s!

 

[crazyg]

I drink therefore I am.

Oh, go on then:

 

[flook]

That takes me back to my Broadoak days in Ashton in the early 70s!

My mum bought my school shoes from one of the bands shoe shops in Stalybridge in the 70's

 

[crazyg]

My mum bought my school shoes from one of the bands shoe shops in Stalybridge in the 70's

That would be Edward Meeks. Bought mine from the Ashton and Stockport shops for years.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

The bass player George used to run the Star inn in Ashton, his son Ashley used to work with us.

 

[flook]

That would be Edward Meeks. Bought mine from the Ashton and Stockport shops for years.

that's the one yes

 

[crazyg]

The bass player George used to run the Star inn in Ashton, his son Ashley used to work with us.

Not been in the Star since I moved to Stalybridge in 1978! Used to be in there every night, followed by fish and chips at Heywoods, then the last bus home. No wonder I put so much weight on after leaving school.

 

[blue b4 the moon]

Not been in the Star since I moved to Stalybridge in 1978! Used to be in there every night, followed by fish and chips at Heywoods, then the last bus home. No wonder I put so much weight on after leaving school.

Moss Side, Burlington, Star then round town, if we didn't hit the Memory Inn club we'd finish off in Heywood's with a couple of pasties.

 

[jimharri]

Some strange "jokes" on the last page and a half.

 

[crazyg]

Some strange "jokes" on the last page and a half.

To paraphrase a well known advert: It takes a page and a half of "jokes" to make an @jimharri one.
Ah well, back to topic. ;-)