Joke thread

knuckles said:
Stayed at a top London Hotel yesterday and they had a few crazy golf holes on the roof terrace.
We were Putting on the Ritz. - I'll get my coat!
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Just putting it out there that There’s a fairway to go on that joke, it’s still rough round the edges, but if we all club together we can hole it out into something fore good.
 
JASR said:
Just putting it out there that There’s a fairway to go on that joke, it’s still rough round the edges, but if we all club together we can hole it out into something fore good.
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The problem with my golf game is that I'm always stood far too close to the ball after I've hit it!
 
I was playing golf with my mate last week, we were in the 9th hole which runs alongside a main road. As my mate was just about to putt a Funeral Cortège appeared, he pulled back from his putt, removed his cap and saluted the coffin. I said “that was very respectful” he said “well we were married for over 40 years”.
 
Slipper One said:
They didn't kill anybody because they were too bloody accurate.

It was a favourite teaching aid in many schools of my day. The slipper was often at hand and the cane was reserved for the headmasters 'sharing' for offences deemed more serious.

Taught you to pay attention and you respected your teachers. I've never come across anybody who suffered as a consequence. We didn't have cell phones in those days, but if we did, then they wouldn't have got as far as the classroom. :)
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Our science teacher was deadly. Talk about a guided missiles through an open window, this guy could plant it squarely between your shoulder blades at 25 yds and leave a perfect imprint on your blazer. Took days and a good explanation to my mum to get it off.
 
knuckles said:
It really is a balancing act, sometimes harder than others not to say something that will get me in trouble!
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Back in the office for 2 days per week from tmr, not looking forward to it. Please keep posting jokes everyone as it gives me the opportunity to post on our teams chat group with something not work based and provoke positive and negative responses
 
Slipper One said:
They didn't kill anybody because they were too bloody accurate.

It was a favourite teaching aid in many schools of my day. The slipper was often at hand and the cane was reserved for the headmasters 'sharing' for offences deemed more serious.

Taught you to pay attention and you respected your teachers. I've never come across anybody who suffered as a consequence. We didn't have cell phones in those days, but if we did, then they wouldn't have got as far as the classroom. :)
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Woodwork apron deployed to reduce pain of a slippering.
 
Mr Fraser said:
Back in the office for 2 days per week from tmr, not looking forward to it. Please keep posting jokes everyone as it gives me the opportunity to post on our teams chat group with something not work based and provoke positive and negative responses
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Good luck tomorrow, try not to get fired on your first day back!!!
 
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