Joke thread

[Cellarite]

It might be better if you explained it was a red bike.

Fucking spoiler alert!

 

[Tuearts right boot]

When they get it, they’ll get it and kick themselves.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

Yesterday a shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head!

 

[dronefromsector7G]

A boy born without eyelids has successfully had surgery, taking away part of his foreskin to use as eyelids… The surgeon said, "The surgery went really well, although he will be left cock eyed!"

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I just saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbit's feet... I thought, 'Well he's pushing his luck!'

 

[LWashington]

Fucking knew it...

You are Jimmy Somerville and I claim my £5 sir!

That's surprising as I heard he never can say goodbye.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

 

[Mid Wales blue]

Got to be careful here, can't put what I want.

Pm sent.

WARNING ALERT!
The last time @Blue Mist sent someone a PM, it involved pictures and we had to get the police involved!

 

[Blue Mist]

WARNING ALERT!
The last time @Blue Mist sent someone a PM, it involved pictures and we had to get the police involved!

Well the llama never objected so I thought it was OK.

 

[Mid Wales blue]

Well the llama never objected so I thought it was OK.

It was my llama!

 

[Sheriff Fatman]

I was in the pub last night and a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

I also got banned from playing darts.

 

[LWashington]

I was in the pub last night and a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

I also got banned from playing darts.

The last time I played darts in the pub, first arrow treble 20, second arrow single 20 and final dart straight through Sister Margeret's eye.

I got banned for shouting "One Nun Dead and Eighty!".

 

[JRockBlues]

My coworkers laugh at the jokes I tell during in-person meetings, but not the ones I tell in meetings on Zoom. When I asked them why, they told me that my jokes aren't remotely funny.

 

[Keep the Faith]

Very true

 

[Dicko69]

 

[Keep the Faith]

Zippo lighter for sale £20 or £80 including petrol

 

[ChicagoBlue]

It was my llama!

Is that how they spell “sheep” in Welsh?