Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

I truly don't understand bloody women.
I constantly hear and see women say/post.
"I want a guy who is funny and spontaneous."
Yet when I show up at the window at 2am dressed as a clown....It’s all panic and screaming!!

 

[snorky]

How come?

His bike was outside.

 

[ysmsa]

How come?

You must be a Smash person :-)

 

[Deleted member 77198]

I went to the video shop and asked if I could rent Batman forever. The guy told me no and that I could only have it for three days.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

 

[nw42]

 

[MCFCTrick]

Just saw my neighbour enjoying the British spring weather ...

 

[roman totale]

Just saw my neighbour enjoying the British spring weather ... View attachment 39417

It’s no accident he’s lay on an Ohio State University towel. This is always a crazy time of year in Cleveland. Yesterday morning I drove to work under a severe weather warning for freezing rain and by the mid afternoon it was 18C. Today it’s going to get to up to 23C and tomorrow it’s forecast to snow.

 

[Barcon]

It’s no accident he’s lay on an Ohio State University towel. This is always a crazy time of year in Cleveland. Yesterday morning I drove to work under a severe weather warning for freezing rain and by the mid afternoon it was 18C. Today it’s going to get to up to 23C and tomorrow it’s forecast to snow.

Similar to here. It's stupid.

 

[Bill Walker]

I've just been reading the script for the new 'Fairy Liquid' Advert.
Which has been updated to reflect modern Britain.
"Mummy, why are your hands so soft?"
"Because I'm only 14. Now shut up and eat your Pot Noodle before your Dad finishes school!"

 

[KS55]

I've just been reading the script for the new 'Fairy Liquid' Advert.
Which has been updated to reflect modern Britain.
"Mummy, why are your hands so soft?"
"Because I'm only 14. Now shut up and eat your Pot Noodle before your Dad finishes school!"

Little known fact: Britain's U18 pregnancy rate has declined every year for a decade. The rate is now half what it was 11 years ago.

 

[Robinho's Subbuteo]

Little known fact: Britain's U18 pregnancy rate has declined every year for a decade. The rate is now half what it was 11 years ago.

Tough room.

 

[TravisBickle]

Why is 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9

 

[mat]

Little known fact: Britain's U18 pregnancy rate has declined every year for a decade. The rate is now half what it was 11 years ago.

Anal sex and swallowing has increased during the same period of time.

 

[dickie davies]

Little known fact: Britain's U18 pregnancy rate has declined every year for a decade. The rate is now half what it was 11 years ago.

Is this something to do with cheese and onion pies, as I don't get it!

 

[manclad]

I went to the video shop and asked if I could rent Batman forever. The guy told me no and that I could only have it for three days.

What's a video shop ??

 

[DrBlueBob]

What's a video shop ??

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Is this something to do with cheese and onion pies, as I don't get it!

No, but you do need your bike to be outside.

 

[manclad]

I've just bought a couple of digital watches from Amazon.
Once I worked out how to set the time it was easy to synchronise them.
But don't tell Rowan that please!!

 

[KS55]

Is this something to do with cheese and onion pies, as I don't get it!

My bike's outside.