Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

If you had to choose between going out with the lads on a bender.
Or taking your partner out for a romantic meal.
Which pub would you meet your mates in ?

 

[lefty goldblatt]

 

[Bill Walker]

They could have "handled" this better

 

[sir baconface]

 

[KS55]

Pity about the inaccuracy. The quote is actually Serbo-croat and means:
"Hey miss, my brother has a hard-on."

 

[bluebc]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[fanatic1]

A tetraplegic man (no arm or leg limbs) is quietly sunbathing on a beach. 3 really beautiful women approach him. The 1st bends down and goes "Oh poor baby. Have you ever been hugged?" Guy says no and the woman gives him a hug and cuddle.

The 2nd bends down and says "Aww poor baby. Have you ever been kissed?" Guy says no and the woman gives him a long lingering kiss."

No 3 bends down and says "Have you ever been fucked before?" Guy, really excited now, says "NO!" Woman says "Well you have been now. The tide's coming in fast."

 

[Barcon]

It's like 1976 all over again.

 

[bluethrunthru]

Little poem to start the day

Roses are red
Bacon is red
Poetry is hard
Sausages...............

 

[SWPISHOME]

 

[yeseye]

I told my wife about the big lottery win and that I'd be retiring from work She said "I'm going to retire as well". I replied "Fuck me, you won as well".

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My wife said, "You're so unromantic, you don't even know what my favourite flower is! "

“Is it Homepride?" I asked.

 

[bluebc]

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

Little poem to start the day

Roses are red
Bacon is red
Poetry is hard
Sausages...............

Needs just a little bit of polish, 'n I can see a Nobel Prize for Literature on its way!

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

Roddy Doyle does Star Trek.

 

[Indaparkside]

Neighbour’s just knocked on someone’s been robbing her underwear off her line

Jesus I nearly shit her knickers

 

[balotellishaircut]

Spurs have passed on an overdue electricity bill of over £5000 to former manager Harry Redknapp.

Apparently he was the last man in the trophy room and he left the light on.

 

[SPIDERBOY]

Neighbour’s just knocked on someone’s been robbing her underwear off her line

Jesus I nearly shit her knickers

Shes not bothered about her knickers,she just wants the 55 pegs back.