Joke thread

inchy14 said:
I always get my bags ready in the trolley and thrown them straight in them, it’s like supermarket sweep!!
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Me and the Mrs have it off to a fine art and it starts when you unload the trolley with heavy and frozen items going on first.....bread and cakes obviously go last, bags open, in the trolley....she pays, sharp intake of breath followed by " we only came in for a pint of milk " then I'm off to the car with trolley. Load up said car, get quid ( pocket money ) or token back at trolley park.......high 5s all round, piece of piss.

Then we do it all again at Lidl next door.
 
I made one up last week;

Went to the doctors the other day complaining of mental anxiety. I felt like i had the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Also had tunnel vision and smelled of chives.
Doc told me i had Pringles...
 
Tuearts right boot said:
Me and the Mrs have it off to a fine art and it starts when you unload the trolley with heavy and frozen items going on first.....bread and cakes obviously go last, bags open, in the trolley....she pays, sharp intake of breath followed by " we only came in for a pint of milk " then I'm off to the car with trolley. Load up said car, get quid ( pocket money ) or token back at trolley park.......high 5s all round, piece of piss.

Then we do it all again at Lidl next door.
Click to expand...
Had to read that twice. Thought this was going to be a joke about The National Gallery!
 
Tuearts right boot said:
Me and the Mrs have it off to a fine art and it starts when you unload the trolley with heavy and frozen items going on first.....bread and cakes obviously go last, bags open, in the trolley....she pays, sharp intake of breath followed by " we only came in for a pint of milk " then I'm off to the car with trolley. Load up said car, get quid ( pocket money ) or token back at trolley park.......high 5s all round, piece of piss.

Then we do it all again at Lidl next door.
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rules...
 
Stuuuuuu said:
This literally happened to me in Lidl. The checkout guy looked at me and went 'Ready?' before the checkout Olympics commenced.
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When faced with overly agressive scanning I I take the approach of ‘It doesn’t matter how fast you throw them through. I’m the slowest part of your process, so you’ll have to wait anyway while I comfortably take my sweet time.
Oh, and mind the biscuits, or I’m going back mid pack for a new packet.’
Payment happens once I’m satisfied I’ve got everything in my bags that I wanted.
Enjoy your fascism back with interest.
 
Plays By Sense Of Smell said:
When faced with overly agressive scanning I I take the approach of ‘It doesn’t matter how fast you throw them through. I’m the slowest part of your process, so you’ll have to wait anyway while I comfortably take my sweet time.
Oh, and mind the biscuits, or I’m going back mid pack for a new packet.’
Payment happens once I’m satisfied I’ve got everything in my bags that I wanted.
Enjoy your fascism back with interest.
Click to expand...
While I take your point, it's very easy to end up in the 'get a fucking move on you tosser' area if someone is doing what you suggest.
 
KS55 said:
Or the cashier and some biddy have a very nice chinwag about auntie Doris’s bunions.
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And then finally get to the oh I have my purse somewhere, let me count out the £7.89 in 1 & 2p coins, not forgetting that 10p off coupon I've got somewhere, maybe it's at the bottom of my shopping bag I'll have a look, just a minute!!!!!
 
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