Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

My Geordie girlfriend was in the swimming pool and smiled at the handsome lifeguard as he walked by.

He said “Are you flirting?”

She replied “No, my feet are on the bottom”.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[ray21]

.

 

[balotellishaircut]

I was sitting watching MOTD the other week when the wife came in and said “fancy a shag”

I said “after the football love”

She said “you know you can record it don’t you”

I said “nice, you get the camcorder and I’ll be up when the footy finishes “

 

[balotellishaircut]

I just went up into the attic and found a present I forgot to give the kids last Christmas.

It’s a shame, they would of loved that puppy.

 

[horlock_was_super]

View attachment 99955

Ha ha ha - I actually had a mate that tried this! Kebab shop on Swan Street after we'd fell out of Bar Fringe one evening - I thought it was great idea.
They told us both to fuck right off - we still bought the kebabs though and staggered home!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Ha ha ha - I actually had a mate that tried this! Kebab shop on Swan Street after we'd fell out of Bar Fringe one evening - I thought it was great idea.
They told us both to fuck right off - we still bought the kebabs though and staggered home!

Giro Jim does it all the time :-)

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

View attachment 100037

Funny story about this.

About twenty years ago we were in Malta and I needed to go to a money exchange shop, so a Maltese person said "There's one on in St Julians on xxxx Street next to the Subway.

At this time we had never heard of Subway, so spent half an hour doing up and down this busy long street looking for a Subway, until we suddenly saw the Subway shop. lol!

 

[hammocity]

View attachment 99955

Jeffrey Bernard a journalist for the Spectator and Sporting Life was an alcoholic who wrote about his life which revolved around drinking in his beloved Coach and Horses in Soho. Keith Waterhouse (Billy Liar) wrote a West Rnd show about him, “Jeffery Bernard is Unwell”. At one stage Bernard thought moving out of London would stop him going to the Coach, after a while he couldn’t keep away so every day he posted a letter to himself, as he was so remote his post was delivered by Van from a postman based in London so every day when the Postman turned up he got a lift into London.

 

[hammocity]

 

[Big Swifty]

View attachment 100087

Brilliant

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]