Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[WickyWain]

I tried to download a new calendar app to my phone but mistakenly ended up with a colander app.

All it does is drain the battery.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[WickyWain]

Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!"

The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?"

The man replies, "My first blowjob!"

The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this one’s on me."

The man then says, "Thanks... if seven shots can't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"

 

[Uwe Already]

Woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

I saw an advert for a double entendre competition - so I entered my wife

 

[blue b4 the moon]

I saw an advert for a double entendre competition - so I entered my wife

Along with a friend? ;)

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

View attachment 124854

Not bad. Keep up the good work.

 

[LWashington]

I saw an advert for a double entendre competition - so I entered my wife

This morning I walked around the corner and found two women in skimpy bikinis beating up a topless nun.
So I knocked one out.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Not bad. Keep up the good work.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

Guy walks into a bar with a big grin on his face. “Sling me a beer, Pete!”

Bartender slings him a beer, says, “You look awfully frickin pleased with yourself. What's up?”

Guy grins and says, “You know where I work? Lumberyard near the tracks? And I walk over the tracks to my shack every day?

Bartender says, “Yeah, yeah, so what?”

Guy says, “Well, yesterday I was crossing the tracks when I saw this naked woman tied to the tracks. Beautiful legs, perfect tits, so I untie her and carry her home. Then all last night, it's me on top of her and her on top of me. Best part is, she's still there!

Bartender beams, “Wow, is she beautiful?”

Guy looks puzzled, shakes his head and says, “I don't know, never found the head…”

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Please Misty, stop sending me these selfies

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

And it was all going so well.

 

[Lavinda Past]

View attachment 124881
Please Misty, stop sending me these selfies

I've seen worse

 

[kippaxneil]

Kevin, the local serial flasher was thinking of retiring....but he's decided that he's going to stick it out for another year.