Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[bumbleblue]

There was a young harlot from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin
If they pay to get in,
They’ll pay to get out of it too.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

There was a young girl from Prestatyn,
She lay on a Cocanut matting,
With finger's so thin, she opened her Quim
And some fucker threw a dead cat in.

 

[chris63]

The Captain had a daughter
Who fell into deep water
Delighted squeals came as the eels
Entered her sexual quarter's

 

[KS55]

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin’
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked its fucking **** in.
(Monty Python Papperbok. c1967)

 

[Indaparkside]

There was a old man from newton heath
Who sat on his set of false teeth
Said he with a start
Oh lord bless my heart
I’ve bitten myself underneath

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin’
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked its fucking **** in.
(Monty Python Papperbok. c1967)

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its fleece to nylon

 

[Lavinda Past]

There once was a fellow from Ayr

Who was having his wife on the stair.

When the banister broke,

He doubled his stroke,

And finished her off in midair.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A mosquito it cried out in pain,

"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"

The cause of his sorrow

Was para-dichloro

diphenyltrichloroethane.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A limerick packs laughs anatomical

Into space that is quite economical

But the good ones I've seen

So seldom are clean

And the clean ones so seldom are comical

 

[Lavinda Past]

There once was a plumber in Bree

Who was plumbing his girl with great glee.

Said his girl: “Stop your plumbing!

I think someone’s coming!”.

Said the plumber still plumbing: “It’s me!”

 

[Lavinda Past]

I bought some ornamental fish for my pond. Every time I came near they would hide in the reeds.

Turns out they were coy carp.

 

[dickie davies]

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them in her garden
And when they were big enough, she had them slaughtered and ate them

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I was younger, I was obsessed with taking surveys.

Thankfully, I came to my census.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'd like to see a world without plagerism

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

 

[J.G.Blue.]

Lavinda Past,
Posted jokes quite fast,
& never seemed to go away,
Some were a hit,
But some were quite shit,
Christ knows how many they posted today!.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

A young man I know comes from Dublin,
He found the joke thread, really Troublin’
He Came in for a laugh
He’s Still waiting to have,
Waits so long that his chin’s started stubblin’.


I’m off for a shave.