Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven.

God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.

So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".

The man shook his head in disbelief, before murmuring "...this conspiracy goes even higher than I thought..."

 

[Lavinda Past]

"I wandered lonely as a cloud, that floats on high o'er vales and hills, when all at once, I heard a shout....."

"Get off my fucking daffodils"

 

[Lavinda Past]

I found a hat with £17.54 in it the other day

I thought this other guy nearby was going to pick it up but he was too busy juggling.

 

[Barcon]

What's the medical term for lesbianism?

Strapadictomy

I converted one after performing a slipadictomy.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three.

He says "uno, dos...

" *poof*.

And disappears without a tres.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lost for words]

How do you get flies out of the kitchen?

Put a bucket of shit in the lounge.

 

[roman totale]

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As a Cleveland resident I feel duty-bound to point out that it wasn’t called the Plain Dealer Pavilion in 1999, it was the Nautica Stage back then. Other than that, I found it to be a fucking terrible joke.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[blueish swede]

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Spoiler: Errr???

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Spoiler: Errr???

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Someone sent it on WhatsApp mate and he is a blue

 

[fanatic1]

The lions were playing football against the ants in the jungle and the ants were really up against it losing 4-0 at half time. Then the ants' captain had a brainwave and brought on a giant centipede at the interval. Well the lions didn't stand a chance as the centipede controlled the play with slick passing and finishing. The final score was 11-4 to the ants. After the game the lion's captain went across to his opposite number and said "What a great performance. Why didn't you play him from the start?" The ant replied "He took all the 1st 45 minutes to lace up his boots."

 

[Dicko69]