Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I'm selling a load of books on how to avoid saying the wrong thing and getting into fights.

Who wants some?

 

[Lavinda Past]

I hope I live long enough to see the world without plagiarism.

You may say that I'm a dreamer...

But I'm not the only one.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate puts his blood, sweat and tears in his work

Hard working bloke

Terrible chef

 

[Grassland Blue]

Do you remember that musllim surrealist?




Muhammad Dali.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

It's the 1970s...

A man goes into Burton's in Birmingham to buy a new suit. After going through all the usual choices, he settles on a nice single breated two-button charcoal grey suit with a single vent and three buttons on each sleeve.

The salesman then persuades him to add a shirt, one with a complementary pink stripe and then he asks, “How about we finish off with a nice kipper tie?”

“That would be lovely”, replies the customer, “milk and two sugars please”.

Noddy Holder wants his joke back

 

[Vienna_70]

An American man has been found guilty of stealing 2000 erasers and 150 bottles of Tippex from an office supply cupboard.

The judge sentenced him to six months in a correctional facility.

We were in Walmart on one occasion, when they had a school supplies sale.

Mrs Vienna said, "I’ll get some pencils and rubbers for the grandchildren".

I reminded her that she should call them erasers, as rubbers are a company different thing in the States.

 

[Vienna_70]

 

[mrcunny]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on it's hind legs telling jokes.

It was a stand up chameleon.