Joke thread

[dickie davies]

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night.



I snuck up behind an older lady, started taking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spit roast,getting a blowjob, was my Dad.


I said, " After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to Mum."


He said, " I'm not."

There is an urban myth story of a hen and stag party jointly hitting Amsterdam and they split up when they arrived
in one sex club, the groom's father in law to be, sticks his cock through a glory hole
On the other side, encouraged by her friends for a laugh, was the bride
After shooting his load, the bloke pulled back the curtain curious to see who had sucked him off, to see his daughter

 

[Blue_eyes]

Two kids are in the playground at school on Monday morning, and Johnny has a brand new digital watch, wow says his mate Adam, where did you get that.

Well says Johnny I was lying awake the other night and heard that noise coming from mum n dads bedroom, so I went in and they were lying on each other naked and moving about. When dad saw me he said he would buy me a watch if I didnt tell anyone.

So Adam stays awake till late that night, and sure enough he heard that noise coming from his parents bedroom, after a while he bursts in to see his dad nailing his mum from behind. Startled, his dad says what the fuck you doin in here lad, err I want a watch says Adam..............well sit over there and dont make a noise then says his dad.

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

View attachment 139018

I came out with similar last night but it wasn't in anyway a joke - Jesus Christ look at that defending!

 

[Vienna_70]

A vicar was walking down the road, when he saw a girl playing with her kitten.

"That’s a lovely kitty, what’s its name?" he asked.

"Cooking fat," replied the girl.

"That’s a funny name. Why do you call it that?"

"Well, that what my dad calls it, every time he trips over it," explained the girl.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Barcon]

A vicar was walking down the road, when he saw a girl playing with her kitten.

"That’s a lovely kitty, what’s its name?" he asked.

"Cooking fat," replied the girl.

"That’s a funny name. Why do you call it that?"

"Well, that what my dad calls it, every time he trips over it," explained the girl.

Hello dad.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Lavinda Past]

A lady goes to the doctor and says "You gotta help me. My husband thinks he's a refrigerator".

The doc says, "that's strange, but that doesn't seem dangerous".

She says, "But he sleeps with his mouth open. That little light keeps me up all night".

 

[Lavinda Past]

"No," the girl replied. "I've just never grown hair down there. Do you have any?"
"Oh, plenty," said the woman, lifting her
nightdress to show off her abundance. The girl, unbothered, finished her bath and went to bed,.
Later that night, when her husband returned the wife asked, "Well? Did you see?"
"I did," he replied. "But why on earth did you
have to show her yours?"
"What does it matter?" she said. "You've seen it plenty of times."
"I know," he groaned, "but the dart team
hadn't!"