Joke thread

[kippaxneil]

A guy goes to the Doctor's and says, 'I've been having sex with my wife for 10 years now and well...er... she's getting a bit loose. Can you suggest anything to tighten her a bit?'
The Doctor replies, 'Well, this is a bit of a taboo subject, but have you tried using the other hole?'
And the guy says, 'WHAT? And end up with a house full of kids!'

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[Uwe Already]

I’ve been asked by a friend to help him returf a field for a civil war re-enactment this weekend.

Sod that for a game of soldiers.

 

[chris63]

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Casey69]

A farmer buys a new cock to service his hens , the cock is an immediate success fucking every hen, it then fucks the ducks, the pigs , the cows … until one morning he sees the cocks footprints leading out into the desert, he follows the tracks and sees the cock flat on its back with vultures circling overhead … he says you poor bastard ! you fucked everything in sight on the farm and now you’ve come out here to die ! To which the cock opened one eye and said “let em settle “

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[bladdered]

 

[KS55]

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Surely his first words were: “Who the fuck are Man United?”

 

[Uwe Already]

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I wanted to change my username to John Cooper Clark so I could like it then change back :)

 

[Sam101]

.

 

[Sam101]

My dyslexic club had a day out, to visit a Maritime museum.

Half of us loved it, the other half hated it..

 

[toolah1511]

My dyslexic club had a day out, to visit a Maritime museum.

Half of us loved it, the other half hated it..

Brilliant.

 

[KS55]

My dyslexic club had a day out, to visit a Maritime museum.

Half of us loved it, the other half hated it..

And the other half wanted some gin with it.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Tuearts right boot]

My dyslexic club had a day out, to visit a Maritime museum.

Half of us loved it, the other half hated it..

....someone, anyone......

 

[Sam101]

 

[RadcliffeRick]

....someone, anyone......

Dyslexics read it as marmite

 

[The Mighty Marmoush]

Florian wirtz