Joke says get in the queue
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
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Dial M 4 Mercer
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As jokes go I think that’s my currant favourite.
johnny crossan
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Friends of mine have organised a joint Chinese New Year and Burns Night celebration. They’re calling it Chinese Burns Night. I don’t want to go but they’ve twisted my arm
After almost 1600 pages this will surely have been posted before, but I feel we're going to see the Rags do us a favour today, and that's reason enough to post this terrible effort once again:
There’s a little-known historical fact about Roman warships. They were absolutely brilliant machines: wonderfully built, true feats of engineering, and terrifyingly effective in battle. Every plank was perfectly placed, every oar carefully balanced, and every slave drilled to within an inch of his life to row in flawless synchronisation.
Their power came from hundreds of slaves, chained to their benches, all rowing in perfect rhythm to the beat of a huge bronze gong, struck steadily by the ship’s gong master. As long as that beat continued, the ship surged forward like an unstoppable force of nature.
However, despite all this brilliance, Roman warships had one surprisingly awkward weakness — they were extremely hard to turn.
So instead of turning the ship, it was often easier simply to reverse it. This worked beautifully, except for one small complication: when they reversed, the gong master ended up at entirely the wrong end of the ship.
Now, the gong master could easily walk to the other end — but the gong itself weighed well over 800 pounds. There was no practical way to lift it, carry it, or even roll it along the narrow deck.
So the Romans, being nothing if not inventive, devised a rather unorthodox solution.
All the slaves would lie flat on their backs in a long, continuous line. They would carefully apply grease to their chests, and then the massive gong would be slid along them, chest to chest, from one end of the ship to the other.
Naturally, this took some time, and while the gong was in transit, the rowing had to stop. So the Roman soldiers would take the opportunity for a cheerful sing-song to pass the time.
The song they sang is still well known today, so as the great bronze gong slid from one end of the ship to the other, the soldiers, in perfect unison, sang:
“We’re sliding a gong on the chest of a slave…”
There’s a little-known historical fact about Roman warships. They were absolutely brilliant machines: wonderfully built, true feats of engineering, and terrifyingly effective in battle. Every plank was perfectly placed, every oar carefully balanced, and every slave drilled to within an inch of his life to row in flawless synchronisation.
Their power came from hundreds of slaves, chained to their benches, all rowing in perfect rhythm to the beat of a huge bronze gong, struck steadily by the ship’s gong master. As long as that beat continued, the ship surged forward like an unstoppable force of nature.
However, despite all this brilliance, Roman warships had one surprisingly awkward weakness — they were extremely hard to turn.
So instead of turning the ship, it was often easier simply to reverse it. This worked beautifully, except for one small complication: when they reversed, the gong master ended up at entirely the wrong end of the ship.
Now, the gong master could easily walk to the other end — but the gong itself weighed well over 800 pounds. There was no practical way to lift it, carry it, or even roll it along the narrow deck.
So the Romans, being nothing if not inventive, devised a rather unorthodox solution.
All the slaves would lie flat on their backs in a long, continuous line. They would carefully apply grease to their chests, and then the massive gong would be slid along them, chest to chest, from one end of the ship to the other.
Naturally, this took some time, and while the gong was in transit, the rowing had to stop. So the Roman soldiers would take the opportunity for a cheerful sing-song to pass the time.
The song they sang is still well known today, so as the great bronze gong slid from one end of the ship to the other, the soldiers, in perfect unison, sang:
“We’re sliding a gong on the chest of a slave…”
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chris63
Well-Known Member
You mean a silly prune.
Scene in a rough Australian outback bar:
Bruce 1 - swilling his pint: "Family ? Yeah man I've got a half sister."
Bruce 2 - likewise: "Different fathers?"
Bruce 1: "No mate. Shark attack."
Bruce 1 - swilling his pint: "Family ? Yeah man I've got a half sister."
Bruce 2 - likewise: "Different fathers?"
Bruce 1: "No mate. Shark attack."
Last edited:
blue44
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Vienna_70
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It took me a few seconds and a second read through.
Imre's most celebrated achievement, though, is having an inflatable banana named after him!
Lou Antony Morris
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Yep ! I’m 73 and wrote the friggin thing myself when I was 13
I shouldn’t but I did
mancity dan
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Bill Walker
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Dont get carried away He is only just the greatest Pillsbury Doughboy lookalike to play in the Premier League.
(one for the oldies amongst us)
That’s bloody good!!