Joke thread

daveduke67 said:
Should we change the thread title to Sickipedia copied and pasted jokes thread?

Why not post a link to the site and lock the thread ;-)
Click to expand...


That is the worst joke I have ever heard. It's not even slightly funny and doesn't even have a random obscenity, Very poor.
 
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.talksport.co.uk/magazine/features/2012-03-16/five-reasons-why-man-city-will-win-title" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.talksport.co.uk/magazine/fea ... -win-title</a>
 
Paul powers moustache said:
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was lick it , God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Click to expand...
 
Markt85 said:
http://www.talksport.co.uk/magazine/features/2012-03-16/five-reasons-why-man-city-will-win-title
Click to expand...

Oy, shouldn't you be blowing bubbles?

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.freemobilefun.net/wallp/240_320/tvshows/trailer-park-boys-bubbles.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.freemobilefun.net/wallp/240_ ... ubbles.jpg</a>
 
RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT CUP OF TEA


Experts tell us the best way to make a perfect cup of tea is to agitate the bag.

So every morning i shout ´´ TWO SUGARS, FAT ARSE``.
 
Barcon said:
Markt85 said:
http://www.talksport.co.uk/magazine/features/2012-03-16/five-reasons-why-man-city-will-win-title
Click to expand...

Oy, shouldn't you be blowing bubbles?

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.freemobilefun.net/wallp/240_320/tvshows/trailer-park-boys-bubbles.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.freemobilefun.net/wallp/240_ ... ubbles.jpg</a>
Click to expand...




ccc69__epic-fail-07.jpg
 
A woman wakes up after having a vaginal tuck to find three bunches of flowers on the window sill. One from her surgeon to say "all went well", one from her husband to say "he loved her and to get well soon" and one from Tommy in the burns ward to say "thanks for the new ears!"
 
Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together" said Fabrice.
 
Me and the missus were walking past a swanky new restaurant the other night and she said " Did you get that gorgeous smell coming out of there? ", so being the soft bastard that I am, we walked past it again!
 
Reports indicate that Fabrice Muamba can breathe unassisted, can recognise people and has regained limited control of his limbs............Liverpool have offered a swap deal for Andy Carroll
 
I will never forget my sons first words.............................................................................Where the fuck have you been for the past 24 years you bastard..!!!!!
 
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground, at the Traffic Wardens funeral, a voice from inside screams "Im not dead, Im not dead, let me out !!!" To which the smiling Vicar says "too late pal, the paperworks already been f*cking done !!!"
 
My mate Paddy has been panic buying diesel, so far he has 4 pairs of jeans, 8 shirts and 6 bottles of aftershave.
 
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