Joke thread

[BackofJeanette]

Breaking news.... Howard Webb says he will fight for his united place despite chris foy's stunning 1st half performance yesterday



After Stewart Downing's arrest for assaulting his ex last night,Police have advised Women to dress as a full back as he hasn't beaten one of those in over 5 years.



For their upcoming fixture with Manchester United and to avoid a clash of colour, Liverpool will sport an alternative kit of white shirts,white shorts with white socks.

And white hoods.


My wife left me after I kept getting erections in the most inappropriate of places.

Mainly in her sister's arse.




I shagged an ugly Chinese bird in a lift.
I know, I know.....I was fucking Wong on so many levels.

 

[mrcunny]

While on holiday in Thailand i nearly had sex with a ladyboy. She looked like a lady, spoke like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady. It was only when she drove me back to her place and reversed her car into the spot 1st time i thought hang on a minute .

 

[mrcunny]

New to Channel 4 tonight - Antony Worrall-Thompson shows how to cook a seven course banquet for less than a fiver.....

 

[Bill]

While on holiday in Thailand i nearly had sex with a ladyboy. She looked like a lady, spoke like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady. It was only when she drove me back to her place and reversed her car into the spot 1st time i thought hang on a minute .

Like :)

 

[JULES]

why did the chicken cross the road?


because it was stuffed in anthony worrel thompson`s jacket

 

[hackneyslim]

Is it just me or is it really self-obsessed in here?

 

[mrcunny]

My missus asked me if I could show her a good time? So I showed her some photos of me and my mates before I got married.

 

[mrcunny]

Why there are no male Agony Aunts - Dear Jim last week - I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down so I walked home again & arriving unexpectedly I found my 16yr old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform with my husband in the room, I am devastated can you help? Dear Sally: A common cause for this is dirt in your carburettor don't let your fuel drop too low in the tank hope this helps....Jim.

 

[mrcunny]

How unbelievable is Eastenders?

There were only six blokes carrying Pats' coffin.

 

[blueduff]

Saw a fat bird walking down the street this morning, she was wearing a T-shirt with I love hip hop on it. I think the letters C & S must have fallen off!