Joke thread

[daveduke67]

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
first was a butcher, smart with wit,
Using a knife he gave it a slit.
second was a carpenter, strong and bold,,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
he threw in a fish, and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was Mcgee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it and called it a c*nt.

But just for a laugh and a bit of a bet,
Ric from Bluemoon invented a bigger one called Back Of Jeanette.

 

[TGR]

having a pint with my pal the other day who's a binman. he was telling me when he went to the local chinese chippy for the bins. this is how it went when the binman knocked on the door when there was no bins outside.

binman: "where's ya bin?"

chinaman:" i bin hong kong."

binman(really frustrated): "no,no, no , ya bin, where's ya bin?"

chinaman: "i bin hong kong."

binman(really frustrated,now mimicing the shape of a wheelie bin): "ya bin. you know YA WHEELIE BIN! WHERE'S YA WHEELIE BIN?"

chinaman: "i wheelie bin hong kong."

Who says racist stereotyping is dead...

Who says some people just have NO sense of humour anymore?

 

[mrcunny]

I've just bought my Wife one of those pug dogs as a surprise present.
Despite the squashed nose, wonky eyes and trouble breathing due to the weight gain over the years, the dog seems to like her.

 

[samharris]

Two pavement pizza's walking down the street,one said " I was brought up around here".

Two lions walking down the street and one says " Its quiet around here".

 

[samharris]

Excited couple go into the maternity ward to see their new baby, there are 3 beds.
one contains a single leg,the second contains a single arm and the third bed contains an ear..

The nurse leads the couple to the third bed and says "this is your child but theres a problem,.................its deaf."

 

[Atxmexican]

A man walks into a psychiatrist office covered in clear wrap. The doctor turns around and says

"I can clearly see ur nuts" lol

I'm out........

 

[robinhood CITY]

Watching the documentary about 9/11.There was a hot dog seller who was under the rubble for 2 days.When the emergency services rescued him the first thing he said was "who ordered two jumbos"

 

[No6]

Watching the documentary about 9/11.There was a hot dog seller who was under the rubble for 2 days.When the emergency services rescued him the first thing he said was "who ordered two jumbos"

Think you should put on a tin hat and post that in the 9/11 thread :)

 

[mr t]

I went to the doctors today.

I said "Do you treat alcoholics?"

He said "Yes - of course I do"

I said "Any chance of taking me for a beer then, I'm fucking skint!"

 

[bennyblue]

Two interesting facts you may not know about me. 1) My knob is the same length as 3 Argos pens. 2) I'm banned from Argos.