Joke thread

Haha
mrcunny said:
I was chatting to this woman online earlier, she said:

"So tell me, what do they call you?"

"Tripod" 'I replied.

"Oooh, why do they call you that, got a big cock have you?" She asked.

"No" I said, "I smell like tripe and I'm a bit odd."
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i kne albert davy said:
ColinBellsjockstrap said:
A married couple staying in a hotel but only have single beds,Husband says"My Little Honey Bunch,I'm lonely wonely"
She makes her way to his bed but trips over a suitcase,
He says"Oh did my little honey bunny fall on her nosey wosey?Let me kissey wissie it all betterie wetterie"
She gets up and climbs into bed with him and they make passionate love.On her way back to her bed she falls over the suitcase again.
Her husband says "Clumsy fat ****"
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It was quite funny on page 126
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Damn, I only checked back to 127.........
 
ColinBellsjockstrap said:
i kne albert davy said:
ColinBellsjockstrap said:
A married couple staying in a hotel but only have single beds,Husband says"My Little Honey Bunch,I'm lonely wonely"
She makes her way to his bed but trips over a suitcase,
He says"Oh did my little honey bunny fall on her nosey wosey?Let me kissey wissie it all betterie wetterie"
She gets up and climbs into bed with him and they make passionate love.On her way back to her bed she falls over the suitcase again.
Her husband says "Clumsy fat ****"
Click to expand...
It was quite funny on page 126
Click to expand...

Damn, I only checked back to 127.........
Click to expand...

Tut tut schoolboy error...
 
citykev28 said:
johnmc said:
prestonibbo_mcfc said:
Sorry, didn't see it. When thread gets to 128 pages it's too much reading all of them
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Not a pop at you mate.
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Just the latest thread you've logged onto to have a good fucking moan.
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Why would someone come on a joke thread with no sense of humour?..that johnmc baffles me..:-)
 
Just been into the loft and found a 1979 copy of the TV times,

Or as its now known - the sex offenders register
 
little Johnnie's father took him to class his first day of school. Johnnie's dad pulled the teacher aside and told her, Johnnie has a bad gambling problem so don't make a bet with him you can't win. The teacher agreed. When the teacher was passing out the text books Johnny said, teach I'll make a bet with you,she replied ok what? Johnny said I'll bet you fifty dollars I can tell you what color panties you have on. she agreed and told him after the last bell he was to stay in the room and then he could guess. while Johnny and the class were at recess the teacher took her panties off and put them in her purse. when school was out Johnny stayed in the classroom and the teacher locked the door and said okay Johnny what color are they? He replied yellow. so the teacher raised her dress and said no your wrong, I'm not wearing any. Johnny asked her to walk him out to his dads car and he would get her money. so as Johnny passed his dad going to the car the teacher told his dad that Johnny finally got beat. He said what do you mean she said Johnny bet me fifty dollars he could tell me what color panties I had on so I took them off. The father replied that son of a bitch he bet me a hundred dollars he could see your pussy before the end of the day.
 
The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mike and Maureen land on Mars.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie willy - about half an inch long and just quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it looks like a long pencil, it's still pretty narrow..."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love. The next day the couples re-join their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was damn good.
How about you?" It was horrible," he replies.
"All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
 
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
 
citykev28 said:
johnmc said:
prestonibbo_mcfc said:
Sorry, didn't see it. When thread gets to 128 pages it's too much reading all of them
Click to expand...

Not a pop at you mate.
Click to expand...

Just the latest thread you've logged onto to have a good fucking moan.
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My loyal follower. It was a general comment. Not aimed at anyone. Duplicate threads get merged. Duplicate posts in the same thread often get look back x amount of pages. Disnt mean to moan but pointing out the same jokes are being posted is a bit of a moan I suppose. I concede

You should have a pint with me. You would be surprised.
 
Bloke goes to a dinner party without his wife. At the end of the evening they play a game where you pick a topic out of a hat and talk about it for 5 minutes or so.

The blokes get to talk about sex.

Anyway he goes home and tells his wife about it but says he had to talk about sailing.

A couple of days later the wife meets the party hostess in town and the hostess tells the wife how funny and knowledgeable the hubby was when doing his talk.

"That's strange" says the wife, "He's only ever done it twice, the first time he was sick and the second time his hat blew off!"
 
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