You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
I was on the bus this morning and saw a young woman with a baby was breast feeding. All of a sudden this old woman starts screaming "Oh my God!!! That's disgusting!!! I can't believe you're doing that in public!!"
To be fair to her, it probably wasn't the time or place for a wank.
To be fair to her, it probably wasn't the time or place for a wank.
ColinBellsjockstrap
Well-Known Member
President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he
offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
" Walter," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions:
First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the
Congress?
Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's
actually gotten worse?
Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor,
then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?
Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but
America is not allowed to drill for oil?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.
When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right: question time.. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him
his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
Actually, I have two questions.
First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
Second, What the f*#k happened to Walter?"
offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
" Walter," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions:
First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the
Congress?
Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's
actually gotten worse?
Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor,
then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?
Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but
America is not allowed to drill for oil?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.
When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right: question time.. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him
his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
Actually, I have two questions.
First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
Second, What the f*#k happened to Walter?"
tangaroa
Well-Known Member
Why were there no Scousers in Star Trek?
They didn't want to work in the future either!
They didn't want to work in the future either!
paphos-mcfc
Well-Known Member
"Jump in and I'll take you home." I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today. "Piss off!" he replied. "Suit yourself then," I said, as I straightened up my backpack and continued with my walk.
Have you seen the new range at IKEA - LESBO beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove work..!
What is white, the size of a smartie and can induce a cardiac arrest in a 74 year old man within one second?
Paul Daniels door bell.!!
Have you seen the new range at IKEA - LESBO beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove work..!
What is white, the size of a smartie and can induce a cardiac arrest in a 74 year old man within one second?
Paul Daniels door bell.!!
Doyaldinho
Well-Known Member
Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not Happy....
*gets coat*
*gets coat*
tangaroa
Well-Known Member
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,
"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
Nascent Blues
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Sep 2009
- Messages
- 5,589
I was just trying to explain to my 3 year old cousin why my dog is a 'her' and not a 'him.'
Now my fingers smell and everyone's crying.
Now my fingers smell and everyone's crying.
Oohvonkyvonky
Well-Known Member
After both suffering depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday, but strangely enough once she jumped off the cliff I felt a lot better....so I thought fuck it I'll soldier on.....
Nascent Blues
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Sep 2009
- Messages
- 5,589
"Fancy some role playing? I said to the wife.
"Ok" she said "what shall I be?"
"A prostitue" I replied.
"Okay" she giggled, "who are you going to be?"
"Peter Sutcliffe" I said.
"Ok" she said "what shall I be?"
"A prostitue" I replied.
"Okay" she giggled, "who are you going to be?"
"Peter Sutcliffe" I said.
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,658
The man with the recent hand transplant has just been caught shoplifting in Tesco....
turns out the donor was a scouser !!!!!<br /><br />-- Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:59 pm --<br /><br />As a 14 year old boy, whenever I read about all the wars and starving people in the world,
I can't help thinking about tits.
turns out the donor was a scouser !!!!!<br /><br />-- Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:59 pm --<br /><br />As a 14 year old boy, whenever I read about all the wars and starving people in the world,
I can't help thinking about tits.
warpig
Well-Known Member
I love walking along the beach hand in hand with my girlfriend.
That is until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
That is until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
Uber Blue said:"Fancy some role playing? I said to the wife.
"Ok" she said "what shall I be?"
"A prostitue" I replied.
"Okay" she giggled, "who are you going to be?"
"Peter Sutcliffe" I said.
Caught me off guard, brilliant
Like that one,
Oohvonkyvonky said:After both suffering depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday, but strangely enough once she jumped off the cliff I felt a lot better....so I thought fuck it I'll soldier on.....
paphos-mcfc
Well-Known Member
I've just been to the florists for some flowers for the girlfriend. The assistant said certainly sir,what are you after?
I said a shag...
I said a shag...
tangaroa
Well-Known Member
Paddy took two stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow.
"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks?" Paddy said.
"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks?" Paddy said.