Cheese Butty
Active Member
- Joined
- 3 Mar 2009
- Messages
- 42
Last night I asked the wife if she would masterbate with some fruit.
She went fucking bananas.
She went fucking bananas.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Policeman stops drunk driver and asked him to take breath test.
Driver pulls out Nhs card -"this man is asthmatic please do not take his breath"
policeman asks him to take blood test. Driver pulls out second Nhs card -" this man is anaemic please do not take his blood"
Policeman asks him to take urine test.
Driver pulls out a season ticket - " this man is a man utd fan, please do not take the piss.
Driver pulls out Nhs card -"this man is asthmatic please do not take his breath"
policeman asks him to take blood test. Driver pulls out second Nhs card -" this man is anaemic please do not take his blood"
Policeman asks him to take urine test.
Driver pulls out a season ticket - " this man is a man utd fan, please do not take the piss.
M
M
manchester blue
Guest
What;s 4ft long and keeps a cock warm?
A United scarf.
Sorry if already posted...
A United scarf.
Sorry if already posted...
unexpected item
Well-Known Member
I've just been in the loft and found a 1979 copy of TV Times. Or, as it's now known, the sex offenders register.
If there's no burgers left on Tesco's shelves, try their meatballs. They're the dogs bollocks.
If there's no burgers left on Tesco's shelves, try their meatballs. They're the dogs bollocks.
johnmc
Well-Known Member
corky1970 said:girl sucking a geordies cock
wye eye pet you cock tastes like coconut
aye lass
its bountee
Nope. Struggling.
bonespost said:Shagged a girl with a stutter last night. I was lucky......
just managed to finish before she no.
Robin? ....is that you?
jimharri
Moderator
The girlfriend has a pair of union jack knickers. I call them her Belfast pants. Every time I take them down, there's a bleeding protest!
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes down stairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?"
he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her
husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my
daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"
She puts on her robe and goes down stairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?"
he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her
husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him. The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my
daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
"I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant,
"You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law
to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom.
Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes,
but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.
Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that twat, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one. “
"You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law
to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom.
Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes,
but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.
Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that twat, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one. “
ChrisNUFC
Well-Known Member
Can't believe how thick the snow is out there.
i just asked a snow man for the time and the he just stared at me.
i just asked a snow man for the time and the he just stared at me.
onelife said:linesmen at white hart lane to the utd players. Go and applaud your fans they have spent £2.50 on the tube to get here !!!
Nice
ChrisNUFC
Well-Known Member
corky1970 said:girl sucking a geordies cock
wye eye pet you cock tastes like coconut
aye lass
its bountee
Not bad. Here's some similar ones:
A lorryload of terrapins on its way to Sea World has overturned in Newcastle, local police described the scene as turtle mayhem.
Women goes into a hairdresser's in Newcastle and asks for a perm.
Hairdresser says "Ah wondad lurnly as a clowd."
"Is tharra cake or a meringue?"
"Nerr yi' were reet the forst time"
Bluemoon dan
Well-Known Member
ChrisNUFC said:corky1970 said:girl sucking a geordies cock
wye eye pet you cock tastes like coconut
aye lass
its bountee
Not bad. Here's some similar ones:
A lorryload of terrapins on its way to Sea World has overturned in Newcastle, local police described the scene as turtle mayhem.
Women goes into a hairdresser's in Newcastle and asks for a perm.
Hairdresser says "Ah wondad lurnly as a clowd."
"Is tharra cake or a meringue?"
"Nerr yi' were reet the forst time"
Love that one!
Pride_In_Battle
Well-Known Member
Bluemoon dan said:ChrisNUFC said:corky1970 said:girl sucking a geordies cock
wye eye pet you cock tastes like coconut
aye lass
its bountee
Not bad. Here's some similar ones:
A lorryload of terrapins on its way to Sea World has overturned in Newcastle, local police described the scene as turtle mayhem.
Women goes into a hairdresser's in Newcastle and asks for a perm.
Hairdresser says "Ah wondad lurnly as a clowd."
"Is tharra cake or a meringue?"
"Nerr yi' were reet the forst time"
Love that one!
Made me chortle!
pendlebury blue
Well-Known Member
Just had a masive shit after eating a Tesco burger. It was good to firm,soft in places.