Joke thread

tangaroa said:
Paddy took two stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow.

"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks?" Paddy said.
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Brilliant!
 
nalari said:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping. By the time they arrive at their campsite it's already dark, so they put up the tent, crawl inside and go to sleep.

In the middle of the night, Holmes suddenly shakes Watson awake. 'Watson, Watson, wake up! Look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce!'

Watson has of course always been in awe of the brilliant Holmes's powers of deduction. He racks his brain to think of what Holmes must have figured out.

'Well, I look up into the night sky and I see thousands and thousands of points of light; some of these are stars, but some are galaxies which themselves contain millions or billions of stars. So I deduce that somewhere out in this vast universe, there must be another planet just like ours where two people are having this same conversation.'

Homes replies, 'No, Watson, you fool. Somebody stole our tent.'
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mutley_8672.gif
 
More headaches for Tesco as traces of wheelchair have been found in their vegetable soup.
 
I took the local slag back to my place last night.
"Pull my pony tail really hard and stick it up my arse!" she demanded.
I nearly broke her neck, the pony tail didn't reach.
 
Re: Man held after rape

simmers said:
bluemanc said:
Can't work out if this is sicker than your paedophile "joke".
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What paedophile joke?
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"Our neighbours reckon there's a paedo living on our street, but nobody seems to know exactly where. What worries me is that he could be anywhere but I know he doesn't live next door to me because I live next door two a couple of gorgeous schoolgirls"
 
Re: Man held after rape

bluemanc said:
simmers said:
bluemanc said:
Can't work out if this is sicker than your paedophile "joke".
Click to expand...

What paedophile joke?
Click to expand...
"Our neighbours reckon there's a paedo living on our street, but nobody seems to know exactly where. What worries me is that he could be anywhere but I know he doesn't live next door to me because I live next door two a couple of gorgeous schoolgirls"
Click to expand...

Scary thing is, that's not a joke.
 
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