Mad Eyed Screamer
Moderator
BackofJeanette said:
er, I think you are mixing schizophernia up with multiple personality disorder
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
er, I think you are mixing schizophernia up with multiple personality disorder
Uncle Wally One Ball
Well-Known Member
Wife texts her husband on a cold winter's morning..........
"Windows frozen?"
Husband texts back.........
"Pour some luke warm water over it"
Wife replies,
"computer completely fucked now"
"Windows frozen?"
Husband texts back.........
"Pour some luke warm water over it"
Wife replies,
"computer completely fucked now"
Ste1969
Well-Known Member
Steven Gerrard, Raheem Sterling and Glen Johnson have all been ruled out of the England squad for Friday's match against Moldova.
The Liverpool trio are all said to be suffering from altitude sickness after spending more than 3 hours at the top of the Premier League.
The Liverpool trio are all said to be suffering from altitude sickness after spending more than 3 hours at the top of the Premier League.
talkativesprout
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 30 Mar 2009
- Messages
- 10,416
Mad Eyed Screamer said:BackofJeanette said:When the psychiatrist asked if I was aware of my schizophrenia, I had to think twice.
er, I think you are mixing schizophernia up with multiple personality disorder
schizophernia
If i had a hernia, i would want one that's really shy and does not want to be noticed.
mammutly
Well-Known Member
Mad Eyed Screamer said:BackofJeanette said:When the psychiatrist asked if I was aware of my schizophrenia, I had to think twice.
er, I think you are mixing schizophernia up with multiple personality disorder
To be fair, a lack of basic psychiatric knowledge is a general problem across the forum as a whole.
moonshiner
Well-Known Member
mammutly said:Mad Eyed Screamer said:BackofJeanette said:When the psychiatrist asked if I was aware of my schizophrenia, I had to think twice.
er, I think you are mixing schizophernia up with multiple personality disorder
To be fair, a lack of basic psychiatric knowledge is a general problem across the forum as a whole.
That's what we were thinking!
wildybeastie
Well-Known Member
moonshiner said:mammutly said:Mad Eyed Screamer said:er, I think you are mixing schizophernia up with multiple personality disorder
To be fair, a lack of basic psychiatric knowledge is a general problem across the forum as a whole.
That's what we were thinking!
Quality response my friends
What's the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30<br /><br />-- Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:34 pm --<br /><br />How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT LADDER!
2:30<br /><br />-- Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:34 pm --<br /><br />How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT LADDER!
just bought the wife a man utd bra for her birthday
she hates it . she says the support is crap and it won't be long till the tits are out of both cups .<br /><br />-- Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:59 pm --<br /><br />just bought the wife a man utd bra for her birthday
she hates it . she says the support is crap and it won't be long till the tits are out of both cups .
she hates it . she says the support is crap and it won't be long till the tits are out of both cups .<br /><br />-- Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:59 pm --<br /><br />just bought the wife a man utd bra for her birthday
she hates it . she says the support is crap and it won't be long till the tits are out of both cups .
jimharri
Moderator
You bought her two bras? Big girl, is she?onelife said:just bought the wife a man utd bra for her birthday
she hates it . she says the support is crap and it won't be long till the tits are out of both cups .
-- Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:59 pm --
just bought the wife a man utd bra for her birthday
she hates it . she says the support is crap and it won't be long till the tits are out of both cups .
Ste1969
Well-Known Member
"You're a tight bastard, Dave," snapped my wife.
"But I can't see the point of paying £700 for the kids to have breakfast with a mouse in Disneyland," I replied.
"Tight fucking bastard," she muttered.
"Well think of the money we've saved. Twenty quid-a-night for a B&B in Rhyl and they can still have breakfast with a mouse."
"But I can't see the point of paying £700 for the kids to have breakfast with a mouse in Disneyland," I replied.
"Tight fucking bastard," she muttered.
"Well think of the money we've saved. Twenty quid-a-night for a B&B in Rhyl and they can still have breakfast with a mouse."
A
A
Anonymous
Guest
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One
But only if the light bulb wants to change.
One
But only if the light bulb wants to change.
kippax81
Well-Known Member
Bloke wakes up in hospital after a serious accident, with a gorgeous nurse stood watching over him.
The nurse says " You may not feel anything from the waist down"
Bloke replies " So it's ok to touch your tits then?"
The nurse says " You may not feel anything from the waist down"
Bloke replies " So it's ok to touch your tits then?"
Squelch
Well-Known Member
Wife - "What's wrong?"
Husband - "Sex with you is like sex with an inflatable doll."
Wife - *shocked face*
Husband - "You're not helping yourself."
Husband - "Sex with you is like sex with an inflatable doll."
Wife - *shocked face*
Husband - "You're not helping yourself."
hackneyslim
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 24 Jul 2008
- Messages
- 1,732
Amazing. I ... it's ...Squelch said:Wife - "What's wrong?"
Husband - "Sex with you is like sex with an inflatable doll."
Wife - *shocked face*
Husband - "You're not helping yourself."
Thank you.
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn
that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.
Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only
have 18 hours left to live maybe we could make love again?'
Carolyn agreed and again they made love.
Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only
eight hours of life left.
He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said,
'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.'
She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
turned until he was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Honey, I only have
four hours left! Could we...?'
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said,
'Listen Barry, I'm not being funny...
...but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.'
that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.
Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.
Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only
have 18 hours left to live maybe we could make love again?'
Carolyn agreed and again they made love.
Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only
eight hours of life left.
He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said,
'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.'
She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.
Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
turned until he was down to only four more hours.
He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Honey, I only have
four hours left! Could we...?'
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said,
'Listen Barry, I'm not being funny...
...but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.'
brass neck
Well-Known Member
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements.
Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great.
We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What!" God exclaims. "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right.
And where are you going to get a lawyer?”
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements.
Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great.
We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What!" God exclaims. "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me."
"Not a chance," Satan replies: "I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
God insists: "Send him back or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right.
And where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Ancient Citizen
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 26 Jul 2009
- Messages
- 15,712
As a young boy I was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis.
The downside was it belonged to Father O'Malley.
The downside was it belonged to Father O'Malley.
Got a phone call at work the other day. It was eric my neighbour. He said 'i dont know how to tell you this, its your wife. She's hung herself on your washing line. Through my tears i said 'do me a favour mate. If it rains bring her in'