Joke thread

[mammutly]

A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have a problem. My girlfriend is visiting me this friday, my ex-wife is due to arrive on saturday and my wife is due back after visiting her mother on sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."

The doctor replies, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."

The man says, "You have a deal Doc."

Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened to you?"

The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"

Quality, Jim. Quality

 

[jimharri]

What do Man United and scousers both have in common?
They can't go 90 minutes without robin!

 

[Ste1969]

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.<br /><br />-- Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:36 pm --<br /><br />What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

 

[jimharri]

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

-- Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:36 pm --

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

So good it needed repeating?

 

[BimboBob]

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

-- Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:36 pm --

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

So good it needed repeating?

Yes.




Yes.

 

[Ste1969]

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

-- Sun Sep 22, 2013 7:36 pm --

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?

Prince Andrew's never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

So good it needed repeating?

Yes.




Yes.

ha ha;)

 

[crazyg]

So good it needed repeating?

Yes.




Yes.

ha ha;)

Is that two ha's?
Is that two ha's?

 

[jimharri]

Yes.




Yes.

ha ha;)

Is that two ha's?
Is that two ha's?

Now you're all just taking the piss.
Now you're all just taking the piss.

 

[foetus]

Why doesn't Elton John eat lettuce?

He's a rocket man.

 

[BlueHammer85]

ha ha;)

Is that two ha's?
Is that two ha's?

Now you're all just taking the piss.
Now you're all just taking the piss.

Lol







Lol

 

[citymantop]

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in


Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the


kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity,


obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of


inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his


van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in


ecstasy.


About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks


left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she


goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds


and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"


Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with


Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her]


eventually admits that, yes, she did.


Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I


thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got


the worst case of.....

van aerial disease that I've ever seen"..

 

[CTID1988]

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in


Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the


kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity,


obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of


inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his


van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in


ecstasy.


About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks


left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she


goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds


and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"


Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with


Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her]


eventually admits that, yes, she did.


Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I


thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got


the worst case of.....

van aerial disease that I've ever seen"..

Whats with the spaces!?

 

[citymantop]

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in


Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the


kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity,


obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of


inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his


van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in


ecstasy.


About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks


left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she


goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds


and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"


Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with


Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her]


eventually admits that, yes, she did.


Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I


thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got


the worst case of.....

van aerial disease that I've ever seen"..

Whats with the spaces!?

thats how i rcvd it , couldnt be arsed tidying it up.

 

[Blue Mist]

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in


Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the


kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity,


obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of


inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his


van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in


ecstasy.


About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks


left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she


goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds


and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"


Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with


Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her]


eventually admits that, yes, she did.


Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I


thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got


the worst case of.....

van aerial disease that I've ever seen"..

Whats with the spaces!?

thats how i rcvd it , couldnt be arsed tidying it up.

At


least you

are honest

about what

you did.

 

[i kne albert davy]

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in


Paddy's mini van when suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the


kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"


Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity,


obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of


inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his


van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both collapse in


ecstasy.


About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks


left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she


goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds


and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"


Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with


Paddy [let alone that she allowed the kinky boy to whip her]


eventually admits that, yes, she did.


Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I


thought so, because in all my years as a doctor you've got


the worst case of.....

van aerial disease that I've ever seen"..

Whats with the spaces!?

It came via ticker tape

 

[Tuearts right boot]

My mate just rang me and said,"What are you doing at the moment?"

I said,"Probably failing my driving test."



I employed a new gardener this morning and gave him a list of things to do,when I returned home from work he'd only done tasks 1,3,5 and 7 on the list.

Bloody useless,turns out he's just an odd job man.

 

[johnmc]

What do you call a police woman with a shaven fanny.

Constable.

 

[mrcunny]

A wise man once said. You should treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner..... Once she stops sucking.... Change the fucking bag!

 

[Ste1969]

Is it 1973 again??? Manchester U are shit and Clough as been sacked by Derby<br /><br />-- Sat Sep 28, 2013 9:08 pm --<br /><br />Is it 1973 again??? Manchester U are shit and Clough as been sacked by Derby

 

[johnmc]

A wise man once said. You should treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner..... Once she stops sucking.... Change the fucking bag!

Most vacuum cleaners don't have bags nowadays.