Joke thread

Markt85 said:
Uwe Rosler said:
Following Tom Daley admitting he's gay, rumours are rife that his boyfriend is a fellow Olympian.

My money's on Fatima Whitbread.
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Tumbleweed.gif
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Get fucked ;)
 
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm sitting naked inside a refrigerator...
 
Two priests are out driving one day, when they get pulled over by a police officer. The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver, " Sorry to pull you over father, but we're currently searching for two child molesters." The two priests turn and look at each other for a few moments and then the driver turns back to the cop and responds, "Alright officer, we'll do it."
 
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer . 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My , that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted !!!.
 
corky1970 said:
foetus said:
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer . 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My , that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted !!!.
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some one kill me now..or this ****...ive just had to rewind my life using magic to erase this pile of utter shit
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Dribbling snot at that you ****.
 
foetus said:
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now.
The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer . 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My , that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted !!!.
Click to expand...

Where was Morrissey while all this was happening?
 
Just got home to find all the windows and doors wide open and everything gone - absolutely devastated.

What kind of sicko does that to an advent calendar?
 
Is it true that so many American kids get shot in school massacres because they're not allowed to run in the corridors?
 
A boy was on his way to school when he saw the words purple passion written on a wall. He had no idea what they meant, so when he got to school and the teacher asked if there were any questions, he raised his hand. When he was called upon he asked ,"What is purple passion?" His teacher screamed at him to go to the principal.

The principal asked him why he was there and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me here." "What are the words," the principal asked. "Purple passion," replied the boy. The principal freaked out and expelled him and told him to get out of the school.

At home is mother asked him why he had been expelled, and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me." "What are the words," his mother asked. "Purple passion," he said. His mom turned red and yelled at him to go up to his room and wait for his father.

When his dad got home he said to the boy, "So I hear you got into a lot of trouble today. Tell me what happened." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up here to wait for you. "Well, son, what are the words?" "Purple passion. "the boy replied. His father exploded and kicked him out of the house.

As he was wandering around he ran into some friends. They said, "What's going on, man? We heard you got expelled and your dad kicked you out." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out." "Wow, what are the words?" his friends asked. "Purple passion, "he replied. All of his friends jumped him and started beating him up until a bum came by and scared them off.

The bum said, "I just saved your life. Tell me why they were all beating you up." The boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up." "So what are the words," the bum asked. "I don't know if I should say" "Come on I just saved your life, don't be ungrateful, "the man remarked. "Okay, okay. The words were purple passion." The bum freaks out and starts beating the boy up until a cop comes along and breaks it up.

The cop asks the boy what happened. The boy says," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up." The cop said, "What were the words?" The boy replied, "Purple passion." "The cop put the boy into hand cuffs, beat him up, and took him to jail.

The next day the boy appeared before a judge. The judge asked him for his story. The boy said," When I was on my way to school yesterday, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail."

The judge said, "What were the words?" The boy said, "Haven't you been paying any attention? I'm not going to tell you." The judge informed him that he would get into more trouble if he didn't just say the words so he said, "Purple passion." The judge was appalled and sentenced him to ten years in jail.


Everyone was curious about their new cell mate, so they asked him what he was in for and he said, "When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years."

Everyone was amazed at the story and asked what the words were. Sighing deeply the boy said, "Purple passion. He spent the next ten years getting beat up.

The day he was released he met a beautiful woman. She said, "You look like you've had a very rough time. What happened?" So the man said, "When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years. All of my cell mates asked me what the words were and I just sighed and told them. I have spent the last ten years getting beat up."

"Oh that is just awful!" the woman exclaimed. "What were the words?" "Do you think I'm stupid!" exploded the man. "I'm not going to tell you the words." "Oh come on," the woman cooed. "I won't do anything to you." "Oh, alright. The words were purple passion." "Purple passion?"asked the woman with her eyes lit up. "Yes, "the man replied. "You see that hotel across the street? If you meet me there in one hour I will tell you the meaning of purple passion."

The man was ecstatic. He was finally going to learn what purple passion meant after all of this time. Once the hour was up, he set off for across the street in a hurry. As he stepped off the curb, he was hit by a bus.

The moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street.

:)
 
foetus said:
A boy was on his way to school when he saw the words purple passion written on a wall. He had no idea what they meant, so when he got to school and the teacher asked if there were any questions, he raised his hand. When he was called upon he asked ,"What is purple passion?" His teacher screamed at him to go to the principal.

The principal asked him why he was there and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me here." "What are the words," the principal asked. "Purple passion," replied the boy. The principal freaked out and expelled him and told him to get out of the school.

At home is mother asked him why he had been expelled, and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me." "What are the words," his mother asked. "Purple passion," he said. His mom turned red and yelled at him to go up to his room and wait for his father.

When his dad got home he said to the boy, "So I hear you got into a lot of trouble today. Tell me what happened." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up here to wait for you. "Well, son, what are the words?" "Purple passion. "the boy replied. His father exploded and kicked him out of the house.

As he was wandering around he ran into some friends. They said, "What's going on, man? We heard you got expelled and your dad kicked you out." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out." "Wow, what are the words?" his friends asked. "Purple passion, "he replied. All of his friends jumped him and started beating him up until a bum came by and scared them off.

The bum said, "I just saved your life. Tell me why they were all beating you up." The boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up." "So what are the words," the bum asked. "I don't know if I should say" "Come on I just saved your life, don't be ungrateful, "the man remarked. "Okay, okay. The words were purple passion." The bum freaks out and starts beating the boy up until a cop comes along and breaks it up.

The cop asks the boy what happened. The boy says," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up." The cop said, "What were the words?" The boy replied, "Purple passion." "The cop put the boy into hand cuffs, beat him up, and took him to jail.

The next day the boy appeared before a judge. The judge asked him for his story. The boy said," When I was on my way to school yesterday, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail."

The judge said, "What were the words?" The boy said, "Haven't you been paying any attention? I'm not going to tell you." The judge informed him that he would get into more trouble if he didn't just say the words so he said, "Purple passion." The judge was appalled and sentenced him to ten years in jail.


Everyone was curious about their new cell mate, so they asked him what he was in for and he said, "When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years."

Everyone was amazed at the story and asked what the words were. Sighing deeply the boy said, "Purple passion. He spent the next ten years getting beat up.

The day he was released he met a beautiful woman. She said, "You look like you've had a very rough time. What happened?" So the man said, "When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years. All of my cell mates asked me what the words were and I just sighed and told them. I have spent the last ten years getting beat up."

"Oh that is just awful!" the woman exclaimed. "What were the words?" "Do you think I'm stupid!" exploded the man. "I'm not going to tell you the words." "Oh come on," the woman cooed. "I won't do anything to you." "Oh, alright. The words were purple passion." "Purple passion?"asked the woman with her eyes lit up. "Yes, "the man replied. "You see that hotel across the street? If you meet me there in one hour I will tell you the meaning of purple passion."

The man was ecstatic. He was finally going to learn what purple passion meant after all of this time. Once the hour was up, he set off for across the street in a hurry. As he stepped off the curb, he was hit by a bus.

The moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street.

:)
Click to expand...

somebody's going to hurt you for that.
 
JoeMercer'sWay said:
foetus said:
A boy was on his way to school when he saw the words purple passion written on a wall. He had no idea what they meant, so when he got to school and the teacher asked if there were any questions, he raised his hand. When he was called upon he asked ,"What is purple passion?" His teacher screamed at him to go to the principal.

The principal asked him why he was there and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me here." "What are the words," the principal asked. "Purple passion," replied the boy. The principal freaked out and expelled him and told him to get out of the school.

At home is mother asked him why he had been expelled, and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me." "What are the words," his mother asked. "Purple passion," he said. His mom turned red and yelled at him to go up to his room and wait for his father.

When his dad got home he said to the boy, "So I hear you got into a lot of trouble today. Tell me what happened." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up here to wait for you. "Well, son, what are the words?" "Purple passion. "the boy replied. His father exploded and kicked him out of the house.

As he was wandering around he ran into some friends. They said, "What's going on, man? We heard you got expelled and your dad kicked you out." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out." "Wow, what are the words?" his friends asked. "Purple passion, "he replied. All of his friends jumped him and started beating him up until a bum came by and scared them off.

The bum said, "I just saved your life. Tell me why they were all beating you up." The boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up." "So what are the words," the bum asked. "I don't know if I should say" "Come on I just saved your life, don't be ungrateful, "the man remarked. "Okay, okay. The words were purple passion." The bum freaks out and starts beating the boy up until a cop comes along and breaks it up.

The cop asks the boy what happened. The boy says," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up." The cop said, "What were the words?" The boy replied, "Purple passion." "The cop put the boy into hand cuffs, beat him up, and took him to jail.

The next day the boy appeared before a judge. The judge asked him for his story. The boy said," When I was on my way to school yesterday, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail."

The judge said, "What were the words?" The boy said, "Haven't you been paying any attention? I'm not going to tell you." The judge informed him that he would get into more trouble if he didn't just say the words so he said, "Purple passion." The judge was appalled and sentenced him to ten years in jail.


Everyone was curious about their new cell mate, so they asked him what he was in for and he said, "When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years."

Everyone was amazed at the story and asked what the words were. Sighing deeply the boy said, "Purple passion. He spent the next ten years getting beat up.

The day he was released he met a beautiful woman. She said, "You look like you've had a very rough time. What happened?" So the man said, "When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principal's office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years. All of my cell mates asked me what the words were and I just sighed and told them. I have spent the last ten years getting beat up."

"Oh that is just awful!" the woman exclaimed. "What were the words?" "Do you think I'm stupid!" exploded the man. "I'm not going to tell you the words." "Oh come on," the woman cooed. "I won't do anything to you." "Oh, alright. The words were purple passion." "Purple passion?"asked the woman with her eyes lit up. "Yes, "the man replied. "You see that hotel across the street? If you meet me there in one hour I will tell you the meaning of purple passion."

The man was ecstatic. He was finally going to learn what purple passion meant after all of this time. Once the hour was up, he set off for across the street in a hurry. As he stepped off the curb, he was hit by a bus.

The moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street.

:)
Click to expand...

somebody's going to hurt you for that.
Click to expand...

the trick is to wait for the first comment before you go through the whole thing
remember for the next time you see a extra long pile of shite
 
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