Joke thread

After hearing a knock on the front door I answered and there was a rather large black lady shaking her tits stating

"Do you want super sex"

I answered sorry love I don't understand what your saying

So again she asks if I want super sex

So I replied I would take the soup please.
 
ONTHERUNWITHTHAKSIN said:
After hearing a knock on the front door I answered and there was a rather large black lady shaking her tits stating

"Do you want super sex"

I answered sorry love I don't understand what your saying

So again she asks if I want super sex

So I replied I would take the soup please.


What type of soup was on offer?
 
Lavinda Past said:
ONTHERUNWITHTHAKSIN said:
After hearing a knock on the front door I answered and there was a rather large black lady shaking her tits stating

"Do you want super sex"

I answered sorry love I don't understand what your saying

So again she asks if I want super sex

So I replied I would take the soup please.


What type of soup was on offer?

Cunny lingus I think
 
Lavinda Past said:
ONTHERUNWITHTHAKSIN said:
After hearing a knock on the front door I answered and there was a rather large black lady shaking her tits stating

"Do you want super sex"

I answered sorry love I don't understand what your saying

So again she asks if I want super sex

So I replied I would take the soup please.


What type of soup was on offer?

Cock-a-Leekie ?
 
ONTHERUNWITHTHAKSIN said:
Lavinda Past said:
ONTHERUNWITHTHAKSIN said:
After hearing a knock on the front door I answered and there was a rather large black lady shaking her tits stating

"Do you want super sex"

I answered sorry love I don't understand what your saying

So again she asks if I want super sex

So I replied I would take the soup please.


What type of soup was on offer?

Cunny lingus I think

dip your bread

images
 
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said £50 which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Bob!"
 
ancoats said:
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said £50 which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Bob!"


Who is Bob? Surely not girlbob?
 
My daughter had been dropping hints since the Summer that she wanted a kitten for Christmas. But we couldn't afford to keep one, I had to pinch cheese from the Edam shop where I work just to keep the family fed each week. If only cats would eat cheese like mice. Every time I went past the pet shop I'd pop my head around the door and ask 'How Dutch is that moggy in the window?'.
 
Squelch said:
My daughter had been dropping hints since the Summer that she wanted a kitten for Christmas. But we couldn't afford to keep one, I had to pinch cheese from the Edam shop where I work just to keep the family fed each week. If only cats would eat cheese like mice. Every time I went past the pet shop I'd pop my head around the door and ask 'How Dutch is that moggy in the window?'.
implied-facepalm-300x195.jpg
 
foetus said:
Squelch said:
My daughter had been dropping hints since the Summer that she wanted a kitten for Christmas. But we couldn't afford to keep one, I had to pinch cheese from the Edam shop where I work just to keep the family fed each week. If only cats would eat cheese like mice. Every time I went past the pet shop I'd pop my head around the door and ask 'How Dutch is that moggy in the window?'.
implied-facepalm-300x195.jpg
That's rich coming from you.
 
waterloo blue said:
foetus said:
Squelch said:
My daughter had been dropping hints since the Summer that she wanted a kitten for Christmas. But we couldn't afford to keep one, I had to pinch cheese from the Edam shop where I work just to keep the family fed each week. If only cats would eat cheese like mice. Every time I went past the pet shop I'd pop my head around the door and ask 'How Dutch is that moggy in the window?'.
implied-facepalm-300x195.jpg
That's rich coming from you.
yeah fair point
 
Alex the Blue said:
sheikmedick said:
Schumacher : going downhill faster than united ;))))


I seriously hope none of your family ever have a brain injury. I've had to live with the consequences twice and it's no joke.

What happened in your life is no joke......but this is a joke thread, don't take it so seriously I'm sure the only intention was to make us laugh. chill
 
One for anyone who grew up in the 60s/70s or likes shite English jazz:

A woman is having a bath one day, but manages to get her big toe stuck in one of the taps. She tries to tug it out but ends up stuck there until her husband comes home from work. When he comes in she shouts "George! George! I'm stuck in the bath!!". George goes up to see the full glory of his wife's predicament. He tugs at the the toe to no avail and says "fuck it, we'll have to get the plumber." The wife is horrified. "No! I'm naked! What are we going to do, he'll see me starkers!". So George goes to the bedroom and gets a bowler hat. He says "here, cover your mot with this, you'll be fine."

Anyway, the plumber is duly called out and when he turns up to the house, George explains the issue and shows him to the bathroom. The plumber sucks his teeth a couple of times, scratches his head and then his arse. George says "well? Can you do anything for us?" and the plumber says:

"I can get your wife's toe out of the tap but I'm afraid I can do fuck all for Acker Bilk!"
 
A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.

"I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze to death," wheezed Oscar.

"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?"

So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before.

"Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off."

"And so?" asked the first flea.

"And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again!"
 
Alex the Blue said:
sheikmedick said:
Schumacher : going downhill faster than united ;))))


I seriously hope none of your family ever have a brain injury. I've had to live with the consequences twice and it's no joke.

If you can't take a joke, get out of the joke thread.
 
wayne71 said:
Ban-jani said:
Alex the Blue said:
I seriously hope none of your family ever have a brain injury. I've had to live with the consequences twice and it's no joke.

If you can't take a joke, get out of the joke thread.

Fucks sake, its snow joke.

It's a bit like banging your head against a brick wall.
 

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