daveduke67
Well-Known Member
Citizen52 said:
He said he wanted them to finish in second place . What he didn't explain was that he meant second in the league not each game.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
He said he wanted them to finish in second place . What he didn't explain was that he meant second in the league not each game.
Bluemoon dan
Well-Known Member
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck,
"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we
don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The
Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvelous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really
good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus", says the barman.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again.
Yes" says the barman
"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.
"Yeah" the barman replies.
"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.
"Of Course" the barman replies.
With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck looks confused.
"What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer?"
The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck,
"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we
don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The
Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvelous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really
good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus", says the barman.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again.
Yes" says the barman
"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.
"Yeah" the barman replies.
"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.
"Of Course" the barman replies.
With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck looks confused.
"What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer?"
tangaroa
Well-Known Member
I was flirting with a drunk girl in a club last night, when I slowly ran my hand up her skirt and slipped my index finger into her minge.
As she started panting, 1 finger became 2, then 2 fingers became 3 and before I knew it she had 4 fingers inside her.
That's when I looked at my mates and said, "Can you three please fuck off?"
As she started panting, 1 finger became 2, then 2 fingers became 3 and before I knew it she had 4 fingers inside her.
That's when I looked at my mates and said, "Can you three please fuck off?"
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,580
I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me.
My heart was beating fast and the expectation was unbearable.
It seemed to take so long but eventually there she was, stood beside me.
I gave her a cheeky wink and said, "Get that fuckin trolley over here fatty, they're doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2."<br /><br />-- Tue Dec 18, 2012 4:48 pm --<br /><br />There's a fantastic new sex position called the "ParcelForce."
You can stay in all fucking day and nobody cums!!!
I had a terrible childhood
Freddie star ate my hamster & jimmy Seville licked my beaver
Nigel visited a nursing home. He asks a 93 year old lady, "have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?" she replies "a couple of times but i prefer being fucked on the sofa
My heart was beating fast and the expectation was unbearable.
It seemed to take so long but eventually there she was, stood beside me.
I gave her a cheeky wink and said, "Get that fuckin trolley over here fatty, they're doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2."<br /><br />-- Tue Dec 18, 2012 4:48 pm --<br /><br />There's a fantastic new sex position called the "ParcelForce."
You can stay in all fucking day and nobody cums!!!
I had a terrible childhood
Freddie star ate my hamster & jimmy Seville licked my beaver
Nigel visited a nursing home. He asks a 93 year old lady, "have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?" she replies "a couple of times but i prefer being fucked on the sofa
Clevers
Well-Known Member
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?""Yes. The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration."
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?""Yes. The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration."
Bluemoon dan said:A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck,
"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we
don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The
Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvelous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really
good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus", says the barman.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again.
Yes" says the barman
"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.
"Yeah" the barman replies.
"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.
"Of Course" the barman replies.
With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck looks confused.
"What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer?"
Nice one, enjoyed the delivery..... believe it or not
TCIB
Well-Known Member
BELLENDER said:I accidentally dialed 999 from my mobile phone last night.
So I set my house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
On BM thats just considered good advice tbh.
D
D
dronefromsector7g
Guest
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
Nacho Cheese.