Joke thread

[moonshiner]

BBC News - 100mph winds in Scotland, the coastline is being battered............Bloody hell, the Scots will deep fry anything.

 

[city saint]

my 16 year old son asked if he could borrow a torch as he was going on a date."i said we didn't take torches on dates when we were young" "I know he said look who you ended up with"

Hang on, back up a bit there.....what the actual fuck is that? Seriously lads you can't get away with posting that shite without getting called on it. Worst of the thread

fuck me was it that bad

 

[Alex the Blue]

When I was a kid my parents once bought me a 200 watt bulb for Christmas, you should have seen my face light up.

 

[Sir peace frog]

whats the difference between
a lorry full of sand and
a lorry full of babies







you cant unload the sand with a pitchfork




sorry :)

 

[adrianr]

whats the difference between
a lorry full of sand and
a lorry full of babies







you cant unload the sand with a pitchfork




sorry :)

I'm not sure how old I was when I first heard dead baby jokes, but I definitely remember finding them hilarious. Maybe early secondary school..

What sits in a corner getting smaller and smaller?





A baby brushing its hair with a potato peeler.

 

[Sir peace frog]

whats the difference between
a lorry full of sand and
a lorry full of babies







you cant unload the sand with a pitchfork




sorry :)

I'm not sure how old I was when I first heard dead baby jokes, but I definitely remember finding them hilarious. Maybe early secondary school..

What sits in a corner getting smaller and smaller?





A baby brushing its hair with a potato peeler.

that's sick





ahahahahaha

 

[Barcon]

The leper that got kicked out of the colony for dipping his biscuits in his brothers forehead.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

The leper that got kicked out of the colony for dipping his biscuits in his brothers forehead.

Or the two lepers playing cards, one threw his hand in.
The other laughed his head off.

 

[Bluep*ss]

Just found this thread - True.

3 nuns died and went to heaven. Peter meets them at the pearly gates. We are having a promotion this month. If you give me a good reason for you to go back to earth - you can for 1 month. 1st nun says she really enjoyed being a nun - so she went back to earth for a month.
2nd nun said she always wanted to be Madonna - so she went back to earth for a month.
3rd nun says she wanted to be Sara Pip - el - inee. Peter says you will have to help me out here luv - who is she?. So the nun reaches into her bag
and produces a newspaper cutting========Sahara Pipeline laid by 42 men in 7 days============


it's my 1st attempt - so go easy .............

 

[Bluep*ss]

Blimey - do I get another go -

Went in Tesco yesterday and they were promoting a new dessert for Valentines day. It is based on a very popular dessert but they are mixing Viagra
into it.
They are calling it - "Stiffy Cocky Pudding"

 

[hackneyslim]

Holy God, have I been reading a different dictionary to everyone else, because the meaning of 'joke' is not exactly the same as the 'jokes' this thread.

 

[Dicko69]

Come back tangerine ste all is forgiven

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Holy God, have I been reading a different dictionary to everyone else, because the meaning of 'joke' is not exactly the same as the 'jokes' this thread.

Badum tish...? I don't get it.

Post one of yours you misery guts! (Although with the dead baby jokes, I agree with you, I don't get them either).

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Come back tangerine ste all is forgiven

Haha no way man, I took a vow :)

 

[BimboBob]

Just found this thread - True.

3 nuns died and went to heaven. Peter meets them at the pearly gates. We are having a promotion this month. If you give me a good reason for you to go back to earth - you can for 1 month. 1st nun says she really enjoyed being a nun - so she went back to earth for a month.
2nd nun said she always wanted to be Madonna - so she went back to earth for a month.
3rd nun says she wanted to be Sara Pip - el - inee. Peter says you will have to help me out here luv - who is she?. So the nun reaches into her bag
and produces a newspaper cutting========Sahara Pipeline laid by 42 men in 7 days============


it's my 1st attempt - so go easy .............

Wish this thread was still a mystery to you.

 

[hackneyslim]

Holy God, have I been reading a different dictionary to everyone else, because the meaning of 'joke' is not exactly the same as the 'jokes' this thread.

Badum tish...? I don't get it.

Post one of yours you misery guts! (Although with the dead baby jokes, I agree with you, I don't get them either).

How do you bring up an Australian child?
Stick your fingers down a dingo's throat.

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Holy God, have I been reading a different dictionary to everyone else, because the meaning of 'joke' is not exactly the same as the 'jokes' this thread.

Badum tish...? I don't get it.

Post one of yours you misery guts! (Although with the dead baby jokes, I agree with you, I don't get them either).

How do you bring up an Australian child?
Stick your fingers down a dingo's throat.

Oh so you did like the dead baby jokes...

 

[hackneyslim]

Oh so you did like the dead baby jokes...

Strictly, this falls into the category of Regurgitated Minor, but I take your point.

 

[foetus]

I can post some long jokes if that's what people want ;)

 

[pudge]

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into water.

If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant






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