Religion


Catholicism

In a nutshell
God had a son, who was a man but was also God and a Holy Spirit at the same time.
Number One Prophet
Jesus. A Zombie and a Carpenter.
Best Bullshit story that never happened
A “virgin” claimed to be knocked up by God without having sex. Her husband bought it.
Crazy laws
Priests aren’t allowed to have sex.
Celebrity spokesperson
Mel Gibson
Best excuse for killing people
It’s God’s will.

Judaism

In a nutshell
God appeared to a Desert Tribe, and said he liked them better than everyone else.
Number One Prophet
Moses, a prophet who talks to a shrubbery.
Best Bullshit story that never happened
Some dude put two of every animal on a boat, and then repopulated the entire planet with his wife.
Crazy laws
Though shall not eat lobster or bacon double cheeseburgers.
Celebrity spokesperson
Mel Brooks
Best excuse for killing people
It's God's will.

Islam

In a nutshell
God appeared to a different Desert Tribe, and said he liked them better than everyone else.
Number One Prophet
Mohamed, a guy with 11 wives.
Best Bullshit story that never happened
Two verses of the Quran don’t count because Mohamed was being tempted by Satan when he wrote them.
Crazy laws
Rape doesn’t count unless four witnesses saw it happen.
Best excuse for killing people
It's God's will.
Celebrity spokesperson
Barrack Obama

Scientology

In a nutshell
People are immortal spirits, and can only discover their true nature by donating money.
Number One Prophet
L Ron Hubbard. Sci-fi writer of books such as “Deaths Deputy” and “The Automagic Horse”.
Best Bullshit story that never happened
Pretty much all of it. Especially the bits about Aliens and Hydrogen Bombs.
Crazy laws
You don’t actually get to know the laws unless you donate enough money.
Best excuse for killing people
They knew too much.
Celebrity spokesperson
Tom Cruise
 
I also like that Jesus actually seemed to have anger issues, so much so when a fig tree didn't have figs on it outside of fig season, he cursed it:

Mark 11:12-14 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again". And his disciples heard him say it.

The man was a fucking loon.
 
aguero93:20 said:
They are indeed a right laugh, thanks for the 300,000 you lot sent over here.
Click to expand...

My ancestry of my mothers side had my great grandfather name Scott, who was a northern prod/planter whose family owned land they stole way back, who met and fell in love with my grandmother, a Bonner and Catholic. Obviously, it was impossible to stay there so came to Scotland.

My fathers side are highlander catholic who never turned during or after the reformation.

I still have distant relations in the North who are unionist, I have never met any and probably never will.

So I am a fenian Orange scottish bastard.

Love conquers all. Eventually. Probably...if you survive the hate. Sometimes.
 
JASR said:
I can see a non religious point of reasoning for most of those wars, but the West’s invasion of Afghanistan is surely religious based:
Trying to get rid of an extreme branch of Islam , which was sheltering el-quaida, which had caused Sept 11th, due to the ideology of labelling the West ‘crusaders’ and wanting to remove all other religions and strike against the great infidel?
Click to expand...
Yes, that's about right.
 
feelymcfeel said:
I also like that Jesus actually seemed to have anger issues, so much so when a fig tree didn't have figs on it outside of fig season, he cursed it:

Mark 11:12-14 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again". And his disciples heard him say it.

The man was a fucking loon.
Click to expand...
A 2000 year old story, which was written long after it was supposed to have happened, by people who weren't even there, based on stories handed down by people who may or may not have been there. The collection of stories has been translated many times over the years, and no doubt cherry picked to highlight the juicy bits. It was then re written as the King James version, which was essentially used as a tool to control the illiterate masses.
 
Trevor Morley's Tache said:
A 2000 year old story, which was written long after it was supposed to have happened, by people who weren't even there, based on stories handed down by people who may or may not have been there. The collection of stories has been translated many times over the years, and no doubt cherry picked to highlight the juicy bits. It was then re written as the King James version, which was essentially used as a tool to control the illiterate masses.
Click to expand...
I prefer to read the Telly Tubbies, Peppa Pig, and In the night Garden to my 16 month old granddaughter. They're far more believeable than any religious books/fairy stories.
 
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