The Great BLUEMOON Confessional

Pigeonho said:
leighton said:
The best of the lot for me was calling a former work college Miss Piggy. The fat slag deserved it as well which didn't help me. As I was brought into the office on a bullying and sexual incriminating charge by her. She went home crying because of it. I was asked what happend and told them I was sweeping up out in the yard and she fucked a cig butt onto the ground when I called here back she ignored me. So I went into the office were she was working and put the cig butt onto the table and said Miss Piggy you forgot to put this into the bin. She then went to boss saying that I had called her fat which I didn't if I was to slag her over her weight I would of said Fatso but I didn't she wasn't impressed with that quote either. Boss asked why Miss Piggy I said like the pharse Piggy Dirty or Pig sty. Got away with it in the end but then lost the job a couple of months later and I think it was mainly over it but cant prove it.
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I lolled!

'I would of said Fatso'... HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
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Yeah I know I even got a bit of a chuckle from the boss when she left the room which I was happy with but still I am not like that normally but what she done just fucking pissed me off and at times like that I just dont think about what I am saying and let rip without even thinking about it. I have been told by loads of people I have worked with that I can be very sarcastic which they dont know if I am taking the piss or not. Most of the time I just take the piss but with it being too PC now I cant even get away with being sarcastic what is the world coming to Fatso.......
 
Back in around 1979(ish) i was only about 8-9, my sister used to keep Guineapigs and show them at the the local Fair(Sherdley Show, St.Helens) and she would win all these rosettes and stuff for havin' the best looking Guineapig etc, anyway this particular prize winning furry fucker used to run around the living room and make its way up onto the couch via my sister, it used to go inside the pillow case and get its head down.
Now me being the youngest of 5 i was a little prone to the odd beating and wind ups and this particular day my Older bro went past me and randomly hit me over the head with a pillow off the chair, now you know whats coming next, yip thats right i picked up a pillow that was at the side of me on the couch and twatted him over the head with it, result was one inconsolable sister, a dead prize winning Guineapig and a kickin' off just about everyone in the family.

A couple of days later our Otis(Budgie) flew in the fire,(think City was on tele and they conceded a goal, Otis had had enough back then i reckon) it was a horrible,cold and unlucky house that was, loads of stuff went on that you couldnt explain.
 
When I was about 12/13, so 15 years ago, me and ky kid brother were at the local country park with our parents, we both wanted to go back to the car to get the football and so off we went. Now my brother was a horrible little shite at the best of times and immediately starter winding me up when we were out of sight of our folks, knowing I would go off on one at him. I duly did and he legged it and was a shit load quicker at running than me, so instead of chasing him I started launching golf ball size rocks at him and ended up puttin 3 side windows on various cars and then a windscreen on a fuck of big Merc. The windscreen smashing set the alarm off and we shat ourselves and legged it. Parents came back round to see what the fuck was going on and knowing what a shit my brother was I sucesfully managed to pass the blame onto him telling them he started throwing stones coz i wouldn't let him have the ball!!

Little twat did get his own back a few weeks later by beating himself round the legs with a garden cane, told my mum I'd done it so got grounded and banned fom going to the Fair that week!
 
Now I love animals, however we had a family cat that would shit anywhere except its box or the garden, however the final straw was when I sat down to watch the telly when England were playing in the World Cup, guess what the cat had shat on the chair, I flipped picked the cat up and walked about six blocks and dumpled the little bastard. The garden was at the back. Pleaded ignorance amd some two weeks later the fucker was scratching at the back window. Didn't look like the fucker had starved either. Cost me a fortune in vets bills and the cat is still shitting in my ex-wives house.
 
The animal stories remind me of another one and I'm sat at work laughing just thinking about it.

My daughter's now 19 but when she was about 5 or 6 we got her a hamster but unfortunately not long afterwards it got out of the cage and the docile cat we had killed it. Fortunately, I found it at night while my daughter was asleep and we stuck it back in the cage and pretended it was asleep when she came down the next morning.

We were dreading telling her so my (now ex-)wife decided that she would try and get another one that looked similar and hope my daughter wouldn't notice. She took the dead hamster to the pet shop in her lunch hour to match it up and got one that was very similarly covered but about twice the size. When my daughter came home she did notice that it was a bigger hamster but we convinced her that they grew very quickly at that age and she never twigged. There were no more mishaps with that one and it eventually died a peaceful death but we never told her the story.

About a year ago, we were at my parents and my brother and his kids were there and we were laughing at my daughter for being a bit gullible. She said she wasn't and then someone said "You never twigged about the hamster did you?" The place went quiet and she said "What about the hamster?" so I had to tell her the real story. Her face was a picture and she said "You rotten bastards - you told me it had just put on weight!" We all pissed ourselves laughing and she still gets stick about it.
 
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