The "let's talk" thread

Nebuchadnezzar

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14 Feb 2012
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4,564
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screaming my bollocks off
I think it's time I write this as it's been playing on my subconscious mind for many years, especially in dreams. Now many of you who read my posts know I often post in a jokey light hearted manner and it's quite often got me in trouble, even if the joke is on me. But when talking in a serious manner I'm a all ears empathetic type who'll help people out and lend an ear on what life throws at us, especially depression. Been there feeling as low as a snakes belly despondent and confused on several occasions.

This morning I woke up needing the loo at about 5am but I was having another dream about my ex wife. I say another dream as I must have about one a week, one I remember anyway. Dreams are quite vivid, some are sexual, most aren't, but mostly good dreams.

We met in November 89, got married in may 93 and split in November 2002. We did many things together. Restaurants pubs days out weekends away and holidays, the usual stuff in a loving relationship. Our sex life was great, we had a few domestic arguements (like you do) but she was stubborn apologising even if at fault, and I'd pacify the situation by making peace as I couldn't stand her moody sulks. We had two lovely daughters in 96 and 2002, our marriage was strong who we brought up in a loving family.

Then in 2004 it went pear-shaped very quickly. I was grafting my balls off all over the uk working minimum 50 hours a week, some weekends away. Family time was sparse as I was hardly home. My Mrs asked to have a two year sabbatical from work as our youngest was born with microcephaly and had problems from birth. I was earning enough to support us so I was happy enough to bring home the bacon.

We could talk about almost anything in a cards on table honest way and we shared the same SOH and were on the same frequency in intellect. But she couldn't talk(and educate me) about her inner most fears and would clam up. I think having a less than perfect born child must have psychologically scarred her and she told me she had had been post natal depression after we split up, something I knew nothing about.

I wasn't there for her when she needed me and she started seeing a guy she claimed to have met in our local park and the rotten bastard homed in on her sadness and vulnerability. She told him our marriage was in difficulty and the **** didn't wish her well and walk away as any decent guy would have done in talking to a married woman.

To cut an already long story a bit shorter he manipulated the situation. I found out in June when we were on holiday in Spain of her affair. She said it wasn't sexual which I believed but the trust was broken.

We had arguements and I soldiered on working away, driving down the M1 with tears streaming down my eyes pretending I had a sniffly cold so my workmates wouldn't suss me out. Was fuckin' heartbroken that my marriage was failed and splitting up was inevitable. We split in November 04 and my world collapsed I became an alcoholic. My loving family home that I had done most of the DIY on, soon became an empty shell, like an open prison. I'd get home from work see a picture of my eldest as a baby with doe like staring eyes and the waterworks would come. I'd lock the door and fuck off to the pub in my van to get absolutely smashed as I wouldn't sleep otherwise. 8-15 pints a night sustained by takeaway food, and I'm ashamed to say I drove home on several occasions not caring if I crashed and died, it was a way out of an existence that I felt was killing me anyway. I would get a few hours sleep and go to work, often sobering up at height on a telecoms tower. I unhooked my safety lanyards more than once and almost leapt to my death, but I was stopped, probably by my spirit guide. Can't really explain but within a few seconds I realised what a selfish cowardly bastard I'd be in leaving my beautiful girls family and friends behind. So I soldiered on, another day another doller attitude, even though I was grafting my balls off I was in debt. I was suffering mentally, really suffering. I think my physical fitness helped me through in what is a very dangerous job fully focused anyway so my focus was just enough to see me through the day until I could blot my sorry emotions out yet again in the pub.

I only have a few regrets in life and with hindsight we should of stayed as a family and patched things up, the offer was there, she begged me to take her back but I couldn't. Instead I chose to battle my demons alone, apart from confiding in a couple of very close friends nobody else knew my(almost hopeless) situation.

About 8 months had passed after splitting and after realising stubborn bastard here wasn't interested she got back with the slimy ****. This made me more angry and confused. I went to my local and was in a fuckin' foul mood. An alleged former hardest guy in the town was sat on a barstool minding his own business. He was a former rag bully. I remember him and his gang of hangers on took a city shirt off a lad if about 18 and burned it in the pub. I reminded him of it and he denied it. Well he would because his rag posse weren't there to back him up and I told him to bully me He fuckin' shit himself and kept his head down - "I don't want to know mate", ****!

Sorry, I'm probably elaborating and prattling on too much, if so stop reading, but I must get how I feel off my chest.

I was finally feeling I was coming out the other side of my mental anguish and in the new year out of the blue I got a text from my ex Mrs. She wanted to get back with me but I was trying to move on. She wrote -" if we don't get back together in this life, we will in the next, we are soulmates". Wow, talk about being knocked down by a feather, I was a gibbering wreck. I spent the evening alone(kids were at mine in bed) getting pissed, tears streaming down my face and hurting bad.

When we split we always vowed to be amicable over our girls, and we mostly have been. She's been married to slimeball about 10 years now. Since splitting I was with an ex 3 years, living together for 2. With Bigfoot 5 years, living together 6 months and a few relationships plus plenty of sexual flings from women on dating sites.

My point is I have never truly loved anyone else but my ex wife and it's been hard since. I thought I was over her several times but I can't be because my dreams won't allow it.
What are they telling me?

I know she's the type who couldn't cope alone, my girls have told me. They can't stand their step dad and think mum us unhappy. I so wish I could turn back time and be the full time dad there for them(my eyes are welling up now writing this) but I have unable to be and that saddens me being totally honest.

I want to tell my ex Mrs how I feel. I know we still love each other deep down, my emotions are obviously a lot closer to the surface than hers, but when we talk to each other we still have the telepathy, the glint in her eyes give it away. We all move forward in life but life is like a book and the chapter of us together can never be ripped out of my life's book and erased.

I really don't know what to do and although I'm fine on the surface, I feel as though I'm dying a slow mentally painful death. I so want to tell her she's the only woman I've ever truly loved, and the only woman I will ever truly love.... : [

My dreams are so real but I'm so confused right now. Do I tell her how I feel blues ?
You already knew what to do when you wrote the post, go on and do it....

Top bloke, good post.
 

BlueMoonRisin’

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Somewhere in Little Britain.
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You are Banned!... Reason - "rag".
Of course you fucking do @BlueMoonRisin'
Of course you should tell her. Let her read your post! Life’s to short to regret you didn’t do something. Go for it.
I really don't know what to do. I'm off work today but she's working. I definitely think I need to tell her how I feel but she's moved on. Whether she's happy being with him I don't know. My girls tell me their mum and him live almost separate lives suggesting she's not happy. I really don't know what to do.
 

willipp

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Joined
13 May 2011
Messages
7,892
Location
Preston
I really don't know what to do. I'm off work today but she's working. I definitely think I need to tell her how I feel but she's moved on. Whether she's happy being with him I don't know. My girls tell me their mum and him live almost separate lives suggesting she's not happy. I really don't know what to do.
You said you have few regrets in life, don’t let this be one of them. It will haunt you for a long time if you don’t. Good luck pal and I wish you nothing but happiness, sounds like you really deserve it.
 

gordondaviesmoustache

Well-Known Member
Joined
19 Oct 2010
Messages
60,272
Location
Drunk, small claims solicitor
I think it's time I write this as it's been playing on my subconscious mind for many years, especially in dreams. Now many of you who read my posts know I often post in a jokey light hearted manner and it's quite often got me in trouble, even if the joke is on me. But when talking in a serious manner I'm a all ears empathetic type who'll help people out and lend an ear on what life throws at us, especially depression. Been there feeling as low as a snakes belly despondent and confused on several occasions.

This morning I woke up needing the loo at about 5am but I was having another dream about my ex wife. I say another dream as I must have about one a week, one I remember anyway. Dreams are quite vivid, some are sexual, most aren't, but mostly good dreams.

We met in November 89, got married in may 93 and split in November 2004, divorced in 06. We did many things together. Restaurants pubs days out weekends away and holidays, the usual stuff in a loving relationship. Our sex life was great, we had a few domestic arguements (like you do) but she was stubborn apologising even if at fault, and I'd pacify the situation by making peace as I couldn't stand her moody sulks. We had two lovely daughters in 96 and 2002, our marriage was strong who we brought up in a loving family.

Then in 2004 it went pear-shaped very quickly. I was grafting my balls off all over the uk working minimum 50 hours a week, some weekends away. Family time was sparse as I was hardly home. My Mrs asked to have a two year sabbatical from work as our youngest was born with microcephaly and had problems from birth. I was earning enough to support us so I was happy enough to bring home the bacon.

We could talk about almost anything in a cards on table honest way and we shared the same SOH and were on the same frequency in intellect. But she couldn't talk(and educate me) about her inner most fears and would clam up. I think having a less than perfect born child must have psychologically scarred her and she told me she had had been post natal depression after we split up, something I knew nothing about.

I wasn't there for her when she needed me and she started seeing a guy she claimed to have met in our local park and the rotten bastard homed in on her sadness and vulnerability. She told him our marriage was in difficulty and the **** didn't wish her well and walk away as any decent guy would have done in talking to a married woman.

To cut an already long story a bit shorter he manipulated the situation. I found out in June when we were on holiday in Spain of her affair. She said it wasn't sexual which I believed but the trust was broken.

We had arguements and I soldiered on working away, driving down the M1 with tears streaming down my eyes pretending I had a sniffly cold so my workmates wouldn't suss me out. Was fuckin' heartbroken that my marriage was failed and splitting up was inevitable. We split in November 04 and my world collapsed I became an alcoholic. My loving family home that I had done most of the DIY on, soon became an empty shell, like an open prison. I'd get home from work see a picture of my eldest as a baby with doe like staring eyes and the waterworks would come. I'd lock the door and fuck off to the pub in my van to get absolutely smashed as I wouldn't sleep otherwise. 8-15 pints a night sustained by takeaway food, and I'm ashamed to say I drove home on several occasions not caring if I crashed and died, it was a way out of an existence that I felt was killing me anyway. I would get a few hours sleep and go to work, often sobering up at height on a telecoms tower. I unhooked my safety lanyards more than once and almost leapt to my death, but I was stopped, probably by my spirit guide. Can't really explain but within a few seconds I realised what a selfish cowardly bastard I'd be in leaving my beautiful girls family and friends behind. So I soldiered on, another day another doller attitude, even though I was grafting my balls off I was in debt. I was suffering mentally, really suffering. I think my physical fitness helped me through in what is a very dangerous job fully focused anyway so my focus was just enough to see me through the day until I could blot my sorry emotions out yet again in the pub.

I only have a few regrets in life and with hindsight we should of stayed as a family and patched things up, the offer was there, she begged me to take her back but I couldn't. Instead I chose to battle my demons alone, apart from confiding in a couple of very close friends nobody else knew my(almost hopeless) situation.

About 8 months had passed after splitting and after realising stubborn bastard here wasn't interested she got back with the slimy ****. This made me more angry and confused. I went to my local and was in a fuckin' foul mood. An alleged former hardest guy in the town was sat on a barstool minding his own business. He was a former rag bully. I remember him and his gang of hangers on took a city shirt off a lad if about 18 and burned it in the pub. I reminded him of it and he denied it. Well he would because his rag posse weren't there to back him up and I told him to bully me He fuckin' shit himself and kept his head down - "I don't want to know mate", ****!

Sorry, I'm probably elaborating and prattling on too much, if so stop reading, but I must get how I feel off my chest.

I was finally feeling I was coming out the other side of my mental anguish and in the new year out of the blue I got a text from my ex Mrs. She wanted to get back with me but I was trying to move on. She wrote -" if we don't get back together in this life, we will in the next, we are soulmates". Wow, talk about being knocked down by a feather, I was a gibbering wreck. I spent the evening alone(kids were at mine in bed) getting pissed, tears streaming down my face and hurting bad.

When we split we always vowed to be amicable over our girls, and we mostly have been. She's been married to slimeball about 10 years now. Since splitting I was with an ex 3 years, living together for 2. With Bigfoot 5 years, living together 6 months and a few relationships plus plenty of sexual flings from women on dating sites.

My point is I have never truly loved anyone else but my ex wife and it's been hard since. I thought I was over her several times but I can't be because my dreams won't allow it.
What are they telling me?

I know she's the type who couldn't cope alone, my girls have told me. They can't stand their step dad and think mum us unhappy. I so wish I could turn back time and be the full time dad there for them(my eyes are welling up now writing this) but I have unable to be and that saddens me being totally honest.

I want to tell my ex Mrs how I feel. I know we still love each other deep down, my emotions are obviously a lot closer to the surface than hers, but when we talk to each other we still have the telepathy, the glint in her eyes give it away. We all move forward in life but life is like a book and the chapter of us together can never be ripped out of my life's book and erased.

I really don't know what to do and although I'm fine on the surface, I feel as though I'm dying a slow mentally painful death. I so want to tell her she's the only woman I've ever truly loved, and the only woman I will ever truly love.... : [

My dreams are so real but I'm so confused right now. Do I tell her how I feel blues ?
Of course you should fucking tell her.
 

journolud

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Joined
26 Apr 2006
Messages
5,037
Location
Macclesfield
I really don't know what to do. I'm off work today but she's working. I definitely think I need to tell her how I feel but she's moved on. Whether she's happy being with him I don't know. My girls tell me their mum and him live almost separate lives suggesting she's not happy. I really don't know what to do.
There's a school of thought that says you should just grab the bull by the horns and go for it but I don't think its right as you risk an emotional ambush and in that circumstance she is unlikely to throw her arms around you in joy. Spend today writing what you want to say to her, arrange to meet, make it one of your regular meetings if you have them, be humble and tell her you've been thinking a lot about things and there are things long past the time they should have been said. Give her your written work and skidaddle, make it clear that you realise the chance may have gone and be prepared yourself for rejection but above all else give her time to take it in without you being there pushing for an answer.

Good luck mate, as others have said life is way too short. Don't forget the third person in this, a cad he may be but they have forged a relationship over the years, for good or bad, and he gave her something you weren't at the time. For all you know though if they have run their course you might be doing them both a favour.
 

BlueMoonRisin’

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Messages
12,693
Location
Somewhere in Little Britain.
Team supported
You are Banned!... Reason - "rag".
There's a school of thought that says you should just grab the bull by the horns and go for it but I don't think its right as you risk an emotional ambush and in that circumstance she is unlikely to throw her arms around you in joy. Spend today writing what you want to say to her, arrange to meet, make it one of your regular meetings if you have them, be humble and tell her you've been thinking a lot about things and there are things long past the time they should have been said. Give her your written work and skidaddle, make it clear that you realise the chance may have gone and be prepared yourself for rejection but above all else give her time to take it in without you being there pushing for an answer.

Good luck mate, as others have said life is way too short. Don't forget the third person in this, a cad he may be but they have forged a relationship over the years, for good or bad, and he gave her something you weren't at the time. For all you know though if they have run their course you might be doing them both a favour.
Just like to say I really appreciate your replies guys, especially yours mate as you've taken time to give some sound advice. Thanks: )

I've only told my best mate quite recently how I feel and he said very similar to what you say. He said I should text her saying how attractive she is and how I still feel about her.

Easier sad than done, and grabbing a bull by it's horns should be easy, as I'm a Taurean, full of bullshit and stubborn. But honesty is one of my better traits.

I don't really have much time to talk to her face to face as I'm either dropping my youngest off home or she's picking her up from mine. I told her quite recently that I have plenty of photo albums of our two when youngsters. Plus a the family photo albums of holidays and good times. I offered she came round on s Monday when she's free as she doesn't work on a Monday. She said she was interested in coming round and looking at the albums and having a chat. She was supposed to come round to mine a few weeks ago but cancelled due to something or other.

Thing is my mind is full of lust and being a bloke I'd soon be wanting to get her in bed. And I don't want to be in a situation she doesn't want to be in. I don't think I'm besotted by her on the surface but my subconscious may be in dreams ? All I know is that deep down I truly love her and will never love another woman the same. Great lustful sex I've had a plenty with plenty tbh, but I've only ever made love to my ex wife. Our lovelife was always good, fantastic at times. We still have a lot in common and still make each other laugh.

Several people have told me they can't understand what she sees in her hubby. He seems a decent hard working guy to me, although my girls have little time for him.

My eldest is 23 now, just split from a 5 year relationship with her fella. It looked like they were going to get engaged soon and I have been thinking if she gets wed, either he won't be there or I won't. My daughter has said she doesn't want him at her wedding, but he's her stepfather. The pain and suffering I've had to endure from that bastard fucking up my marriage up, I think I'd go for his throat if I saw him in the gents. And I don't want to do that but I cannot stifle how I feel.

I like to listen to music and music has helped me over the years. This song sums up where I'm at now.

These feelings locked inside my head, I try to reason out of bed

These feelings locked inside of me
Will never see the light of day
Slowly upwards faster down
Reach the top and hit the ground

So many things we left unsaid
So many feelings left for dead
A love affair like this could last
I take a trip back through the past
It tears my heart out deep inside
To think of times I spent inside

The pleasure and the pain
It tells me that I'll make love again

Take a look deep in my eyes
See the emptiness inside
See where forest fires rage
In vain I try to turn the page
But nothing that I say or do
Will ever make me forget you

The pleasure and the pain
It tells me that I'll make love again
 
Last edited:

somapop

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Joined
8 Mar 2010
Messages
2,087
Indeed....whatever the outcome it's far worse not let her know and keep those 'what ifs' buzzing around your head. They just snowball....out in the open: done.
Good luck mate.
 

gavvo

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Joined
1 May 2007
Messages
1,686
Best thread ever on BM. Hurts to read what we go through. Love and best wishes to all.
 

peoffrey

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London
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Wales
I’m literally looking at a blank piece of paper for 2020. I had to relocate to London for personal reasons in 2018 and the circumstances that brought me down here are now over. All I know is I want out of London. I’ve also now got enough money to buy myself an affordable flat or house somewhere outside of the South East. I’ve just no idea where to go. I have a job in a nice organisation but it’s not the be all and end all. I have good transferable skills so I don’t fear unemployment. I’m always in work.

I visit Swansea for a weekend in February, Cardiff in March and need to squeeze Liverpool and Manchester in together at some point. All four of those places are viable options - plus maybe anywhere else?! I’m 40 next birthday, have hardly any family and can settle somewhere biggish with things to do and good transport.

I’m an absolute mongrel so I don’t really have roots anywhere. I literally have no clue what to do.
 

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