The "let's talk" thread

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

Hello again.....

Bit of an unusual post to make, but over this last couple of weeks I sort of have the feeling that i've run out of steam and energy that I had earlier in this period....

I picked up a couple of little projects to keep myself busy from March onwards but I don't currently have the desire to engage with any of them. I feel like something is wrong all the time but I can't say for certain what the root is. I dare say that i'm feeling a bit like it's Groundhog Day.....

I dread bed time. I am lucky enough to be able to work from home and still earn money for now, a privilege not available to all. I have a meeting booked with a career coach tomorrow to get started on the path to a career change. I just wish I could shake the feeling of impending doom.

Had a bit of the same feeling over August then into Sept. Early lockdown was a breeze - had two huge projects that hung on me and smashed the first. The second was a huge struggle tbh due to continual let downs from suppliers (who knows what they might have been going through themselves) - but just got it over the line end July. Jobs done in the end - but they were intense.

Soon as they were done, brain was frazzled and seemed to take a break - short term memory was a joke for about a week. Took a week off after that, came back in and wished I'd taken two. No interest in work (in fact, sick of the sight of it sometimes - normally I love my job).

Difficult to focus on any single task, sudden moments of exhaustion - regularly took a lie down for about an hour each time I felt it.
Seemingly mild compared to some, but it was a big worry - shared it (Though not all of it) with my boss - who was very good.

Didn't need to do much, just let him know how I was feeling and my concerns that it was affecting me /my performance. Got a feeling it might have been a mini-burnout,possibly made a bit worse due to the lack of social contact, etc.
He shared a bit that it wasn't just me - and had a check-in once a week to see how I was feeling. Just listening, nothing more, but think think these both helped.

Also shared with a couple of close friends - and listened to them. That really did help. Been helping a few other people out privately, and am now bouncing along and got a lot more spring and inspiration as I see them doing well too. Tried a few new 'out of the comfort zone' things and opportunities seem to be popping up and everything looks a lot brighter.

So, like everyone else, happy to listen - if you need, just PM.

 

[peoffrey]

@Nebuchadnezzar Are you missing friends? I haven’t seen many in the best part of a year. All plans cancelled due to COVID-19. Nothing better than having a pint with the chaps and chapesses.

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

@Nebuchadnezzar Are you missing friends? I haven’t seen many in the best part of a year. All plans cancelled due to COVID-19. Nothing better than having a pint with the chaps and chapesses.

I think so, yes - haven't seen my English mates since March and have only seen one friend over here since then too. We had a nice drinking group but the person i'd say I was closest to went back to Italy just before COVID. The other people in the group were a couple and have had a child during lockdown so they're out of the game for a while now. To be honest everything would be fine if it wasn't for current world circumstances.

 

[Petethemancinleeds]

Dropped my step son off at uni on Monday , only 20 miles away but it felt like the other end of the world.The mrs works from home and im looking at 3rd redundancy, change of job in 3 years which at 58 is not easy . The lazy side of me seems to have took over and i can start an argument at the drop of a hat. Financially ok and have budgetted for this for a long time knowing something is wrong .
The debate for the future leadership of USA confirmed that politically much of the developed world is in the hands of idiots, might get a dog one day. The footy isnt quite the distraction it was until kick off and then its the centre of the universe.

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

We have multiple threads now where discussions about mental health take place. Always good to see people being able to vent and wanted to bump the original thread - important at a time of year that isn't happy for everyone and especially so this year. Anyone can post and anyone can PM if they want to have a private chat - I usually have my PMs turned off but will reactivate them as of today.

 

[kaz7]

Same goes for me , i am always around for a chat , i dont bite really x

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Been my mum's carer getting on for 2 years now and she's now on end of life medication. It's tough watching her in bed panting for breath. She's at home where she wants to be so i just hope she isn't suffering as she's too weak to talk. I'll be relieved when she's not suffering anymore because its tough for me and the family to cope with seeing her suffer like this. So sad. : (

 

[manimanc]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Been my mum's cares getting on for 2 years now and she's now on end of life medication. It's tough watching her in bed panting for breath. She's at home where she wants to be so i just hope she isn't suffering as she's too weak to talk. I'll be relieved when she's not suffering anymore because its tough for me and the family to cope with seeing her suffer like this. So sad. : (

Have you got any brothers or sisters who can come and help you out?
You're doing the right thing mate and making her comfortable, stay strong mate and take time out for you to recharge and have a bit of you time.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Have you got any brothers or sisters who can come and help you out?
You're doing the right thing mate and making her comfortable, stay strong mate and take time out for you to recharge and have a bit of you time.

My brother and eldest daughter are here mate. We're taking it in turns to be at her bedside throughout the night. Thanks for replying.

 

[manimanc]

My brother and eldest daughter are here mate. We're taking it in turns to be at her bedside throughout the night. Thanks for replying.

It's good you got support and eachother to lean on. I'm sure your mum will be proud of all you rallying round and making her as comfortable as possible.

 

[LongsightM13]

My brother and eldest daughter are here mate. We're taking it in turns to be at her bedside throughout the night. Thanks for replying.

Been in exactly the same position mate, it’s tough but she knows and loves the fact you are there and in years to come you will appreciate every last second you spent together

 

[Blue Mist]

Beamer, life is shits and giggles until something comes along, something like this that floors you. Remember, you and your brother were there for your mam when it mattered and that's all that counts.

 

[Bill Walker]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Been my mum's cares getting on for 2 years now and she's now on end of life medication. It's tough watching her in bed panting for breath. She's at home where she wants to be so i just hope she isn't suffering as she's too weak to talk. I'll be relieved when she's not suffering anymore because its tough for me and the family to cope with seeing her suffer like this. So sad. : (

Horrible thing you're going through mate, my sympathies.... I hope your Mum is happy inwardly that her sons and daughter are there with her. (I'm sure she is) You're doing all you can for her and that's all you can do.
Sadly we all have to say goodbye to our parents. It's part of life.

 

[Celeste]

Thinking of you BMR, what an amazing son you are. Look after yourself.

 

[somapop]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Been my mum's cares getting on for 2 years now and she's now on end of life medication. It's tough watching her in bed panting for breath. She's at home where she wants to be so i just hope she isn't suffering as she's too weak to talk. I'll be relieved when she's not suffering anymore because its tough for me and the family to cope with seeing her suffer like this. So sad. : (

So sorry to hear this mate.
Must be utterly awful.
Some wonderful people on this forum but shout if you need an ear.

 

[Eccles Blue]

I’m so sorry to read this @BlueMoonRisin’ and can only reiterate what others have said. You seem to be a close knit family and I am sure in the coming weeks, as they are now, they will be there for you.
*hugs* for you all for the strength you are showing. I’m sure your Mum is so proud of you.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Beamer, life is shits and giggles until something comes along, something like this that floors you. Remember, you and your brother were there for your mam when it mattered and that's all that counts.

Thanks musty. I've been getting ready mentally for a while now but since yesterday her health has fast deteriorated. She is losing weight fast and hardly eating anything.

So sorry to hear this mate.
Must be utterly awful.
Some wonderful people on this forum but shout if you need an ear.

Thanks pal. Not easy but I'm preparing for the worst.

I’m so sorry to read this @BlueMoonRisin’ and can only reiterate what others have said. You seem to be a close knit family and I am sure in the coming weeks, as they are now, they will be there for you.
*hugs* for you all for the strength you are showing. I’m sure your Mum is so proud of you.

Thanks EB. Mum spent 3 months in hospital until last March and said she wants to pass away at home, she'll get her wish. District nurse will call anytime soon to put her on a morphine drip. It's just a matter of time how long mum wants to hold on for...

 

[Dirty Harry]

BMR, I’m sure your situation brings back a lot of memories for others who’ve been there mate (as it does me), so know just what an awful thing it is you’re all going through, it’s fuckin heartbreaking, especially watching someone who you remember being so strong, so capable.

Just remember she’s where she wants to be, surrounded by the people she wants to be surrounded by, only advice I would offer, and I say this from personal experience, no matter how far out of it she may seem, still talk to her, hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, tell her how much you love her, because as I say from personal experience, she’ll likely be aware still, if you do all this already, keep doing it and don’t stop.

Best wishes mate.

 

[ob]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Been my mum's carer getting on for 2 years now and she's now on end of life medication. It's tough watching her in bed panting for breath. She's at home where she wants to be so i just hope she isn't suffering as she's too weak to talk. I'll be relieved when she's not suffering anymore because its tough for me and the family to cope with seeing her suffer like this. So sad. : (

Was in same situation with both my parents. Watched both take their last breath and while it broke my heart I actually felt happy in a way as the family were round their beds, as others have said they knew we were there and they were loved. If need to chat I'm here mate.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Was in same situation with both my parents. Watched both take their last breath and while it broke my heart I actually felt happy in a way as the family were round their beds, as others have said they knew we were there and they were loved. If need to chat I'm here mate.

My dad passed away 18 years ago in an old folks home and i couldn't be there due to having a young family and working away. They said Sunday evening that the end was near. I couldn't be there as i didn't get paid sick leave. I got a call Tuesday morning he'd passed away but i was working down Folkstone. Caught the train home straight away.

My situation is different now to back then and when she needed a full time carer i decided to take that position. My brother was doing it previously but he wanted to go back to work full time as he said it was too demanding, that was two years ago.

I never realised how demanding being a carer is and it's had an impact in my wellbeing but i felt duty bound and have got through it. Was hard before mum became bed bound as she thought she was more mobile than she actually was and had several falls resulting in hospital stays.

My eldest daughter has been a big help as she's a district nurse so is used to dealing with end of life situations. Only yesterday she said not to give her grandma any more food and drinks or her usual medication. This hit home hard that she is near end of life and something i was kind of expecting but didn't really know what to expect.

I stayed at her house and tried getting a few hours sleep but haven't slept a wink because I've been able to hear her shallow breathing panting for breath. I was almost asleep at 6am but the doctor knocked on. He basically said what my daughter told me to prepare for her passing.

I'll be sad when the time comes but will feel relieved she is no longer suffering. I was in two minds whether to post on here but i wanted to get things off my chest, and i feel I have. Writing stuff like this isn't easy but it gives others on here an insight in preparing for the worst, and people like you OB who have gone through it yourself.

Thanks for your reply mate.